by Max Barry

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The Dirty but Lucrative Affairs of A Goblinoid Merchant

“Everything has its price...” Mr Happy

Category: Capitalist Paradise
Civil Rights:
Political Freedoms:
Very Good

Regional Influence: Power

Location: The Embassy


A Goblinoid Merchant

Population10.208 billion

CapitalMr Happy's Funland
LeaderMr Happy


The Dirty but Lucrative Affairs of A Goblinoid Merchant is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Mr Happy with an even hand, and notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, absence of drug laws, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 10.208 billion Goblinoid Merchants are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The tiny, pro-business government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Mr Happy's Funland. The average income tax rate is 5.0%.

The powerhouse Goblinoid economy, worth 854 trillion GOLDS a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Uranium Mining industry, with major contributions from Retail, Gambling, and Arms Manufacturing. Average income is 83,747 GOLDS, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.5 times as much as the poorest.

The national sporting identity is represented by a talking burger and a singing smartphone, employees are told they can avoid traffic jams by starting work at 4 AM, the Grasshopper stadiums are open 24/7, and an increasing percentage of the population's youth have homosexual parents. Crime is moderate, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. A Goblinoid Merchant's national animal is the Grasshopper, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is CONSUM.

A Goblinoid Merchant is ranked 38,761st in the world and 1st in The Embassy for Rudest Citizens, with 78.71 Insults Per Minute.

Largest Pizza Delivery Sector: 3,269thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 4,997thLowest Overall Tax Burden: 5,430thHighest Disposable Incomes: 10,427thLargest Mining Sector: 11,561stTop
Most World Assembly Endorsements: 12,710thLargest Gambling Industry: 14,041stFattest Citizens: 14,846thLargest Retail Industry: 15,877thHighest Drug Use: 17,954thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 18,925thMost Stationary: 20,079thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 20,506thHighest Economic Output: 22,073rd
Most World Assembly Endorsements: 1st in the regionMost Stationary: 1st in the regionRudest Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Influential: 1st in the regionHighest Drug Use: 1st in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:


World Assembly

Endorsements Received: 2 » Catherine Louise Marie Ernestine Freneau and Lower Slobbovia.

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