by Max Barry

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The Weed-Choked Lawn of A mean old man

“Always fighting crime -- especially youth-related.”

Category: Father Knows Best State
Civil Rights:
Political Freedoms:

Regional Influence: Apprentice

Location: The East Pacific


A mean old man

Population25.218 billion

Capitalthe world
Leadera tired and angry old fart

Currencycolostomy bag
Animalreally old cat

The Weed-Choked Lawn of A mean old man is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by a tired and angry old fart with an iron fist, and remarkable for its keen interest in outer space, prohibition of alcohol, and anti-smoking policies. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 25.218 billion geriatrics are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The tiny, corrupt, well-organized government is effectively ruled by the Department of Defense, although Industry and Environment are also considered important, while Social Policy and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of the world. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient old as hell economy, worth a remarkable 8,624 trillion colostomy bags a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Trout Farming, Door-to-door Insurance Sales, and Automobile Manufacturing. Black market activity is frequent. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 341,996 colostomy bags, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.7 times as much as the poorest.

Maintaining economic growth is no laughing matter, petitioners are increasingly resorting to climbing through a tired and angry old fart's window to draw attention to their issues, politicians' financial records are locked up tighter than the nation's colostomy bag reserves, and Merry Birthday is a popular protest song despite the risk of fines and royalty dues. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. A mean old man's national animal is the really old cat, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is forgotten.

A mean old man is ranked 3,906th in the world and 192nd in The East Pacific for Largest Basket Weaving Sector, scoring 7,976.24 on the Hickory Productivity Index.

Largest Trout Fishing Sector: 36thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 122ndMost World Assembly Endorsements: 139thLargest Insurance Industry: 209thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 237thMost Influential: 325thHighest Disposable Incomes: 442ndLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 581stHighest Economic Output: 685thLargest Agricultural Sector: 708thMost Corrupt Governments: 836thLowest Overall Tax Burden: 867thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 1,173rdHighest Average Incomes: 1,390thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 1,441stLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1,560thHighest Poor Incomes: 1,620thLowest Crime Rates: 2,260thTop
Most Advanced Defense Forces: 2,428thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 2,734thLargest Black Market: 3,125thLargest Mining Sector: 3,257thMost Beautiful Environments: 3,379thMost Ignorant Citizens: 3,683rdLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 3,906thLargest Populations: 4,172ndBest Weather: 5,191stHighest Wealthy Incomes: 5,703rdLargest Soda Pop Sector: 6,874thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 6,889thFattest Citizens: 7,034thLargest Governments: 7,046thMost Secular: 9,074thTop
Highest Foreign Aid Spending: 13,917thLongest Average Lifespans: 16,078thMost Efficient Economies: 16,960thMost Scientifically Advanced: 19,716thLargest Information Technology Sector: 21,038thHighest Drug Use: 23,791st
Largest Trout Fishing Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 4th in the regionMost Influential: 5th in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 5th in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 6th in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 6th in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 6th in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 7th in the regionLowest Overall Tax Burden: 10th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 14th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 16th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 21st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 31st in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 31st in the regionLargest Populations: 33rd in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 42nd in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 49th in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 56th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 62nd in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 64th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 72nd in the regionTop
Largest Mining Sector: 86th in the regionLargest Black Market: 93rd in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 112th in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 136th in the regionMost Ignorant Citizens: 146th in the regionBest Weather: 162nd in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 182nd in the regionLargest Governments: 190th in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 192nd in the regionFattest Citizens: 192nd in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 223rd in the regionMost Secular: 317th in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 372nd in the regionTop
Highest Drug Use: 448th in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 498th in the regionRudest Citizens: 504th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 507th in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 576th in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 634th in the regionMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 782nd in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:


World Assembly

Endorsements Received: 489 » Brotherland, Todd McCloud, East Malaysia, La xinga, Marrabuk, Dragons Blood, Plazland, Pakitsk, Kelssek, Barfleur, Interdimensional Waifus, ReeK, Headpat Central, FreedomIand, VW53Aland, Iodinia, Enlil, Servants of Gizmo, Freedomindia, Dragonia, North Insomnia, New Bradenia Ghost, Seri Tai Republic, Taurora, Amjedia, A Slanted Black Stripe, Monteconstance, Kangarawa, Squarist Republic of Squaria, Unger under over, H-Zhena, Zukchiva, Wanabe, Goodnamesarerare, Abtracnt, 3 14159265358979323846264, The island of Kiria, Edmontia, HinduRashtr, Slonful, Bharatewa, Merlovich, Zang0, Squid Ruinosa, Wiranath, Talitoa, Aussiestan, Tretrid, Staynes, Distro-Spartica, and 439 others.Axdel, Lingu, Greater New Cassandra, Azureano, Bachtendekuppen, Of Centralist Brexit, New Leganes, Ripsylvania, The Three States of Fortuna, Khadah, Meagharia, Roissyland, BuciLand, West Nagato, Nurmani, Spiruvania, Tassirion, Arkalarius, Aeljae, ReReReRepublic, Airrajul, The Death Syndicate, Peatiktist, Elejamie, Imperial Akatsuki, Adioration, Fellon, Slys Paws, BearStackof2015, Roliganistan, Euricanis, Tshana, Trimmania, Davinhia, New Amerindia, Bai Lung, Outer Verron Swicia Islands, Malayku, Hexyia, Collective Individualism, Chria Deau, The Almighty Country, Republic of Berzerkistan, Lanagon, Impia Aghte, Sheelberite, Firenation91, Lundenia, Lyontisia, The Soviet Space Commie Union, Grossvietnam, Ridann, Rokaku, Drunken Seal Islands, Kampf Empire, Lurolona, Cameronia Excellentia, The Empire of Rijelv, The solar ottomans, Upper Ellisse, New Ailartsua, Harro Waarudho, Sen Jast, Adavan, Turbo Bolt, United China Nation, Wisdoms and Knowledges, Santa Dystopia, Arouran, The United Asian Republics, Am Echad, Duracell, Federated States of Zootron, Propwash, Rhealaliit, Slongs, The New Tace, Packilvania, Raneve Brusertheatel, Icelandic Imperium, German South-East Africa, Sengsara, Bakaworld, The Militarius Imperium, Dreamersistan, Kyrtizhan, Trulu, Biggstonia, Enou, Narinoland, 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