The Islamic Emirate of Afghanystan is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Most Supreme Commander Haibatullah Manan with an iron fist, and renowned for its smutty television, frequent executions, and otherworldly petting zoo. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 11.868 billion Afghans are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Industry, Education, and Law & Order are also considered important, while Social Policy and Environment receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kabul. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 9.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Afghan economy, worth a remarkable 6,059 trillion Afghanis a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is a breathtaking 510,566 Afghanis, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,908,208 per year while the poor average 95,678, a ratio of 19.9 to 1.

Loud Patriotic Music Day has been ranked the seventh best new holiday of the year, religious leaders order congregants to love any neighbour who is just like themselves, vanity is considered the fifth cardinal virtue, and engine room hooch is the drink of choice among the nation's navy. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Afghanystan's national animal is the Markhor, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Sunni Islam.

Afghanystan is ranked 6,353^rd in the world and 1^st in Afghanistan for Lowest Crime Rates, with 110.79 law-abiding acts per hour.