The Vineyards of Aged Pinot Grigio is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by General Toast with an even hand, and renowned for its frequent executions, zero percent divorce rate, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 39.512 billion Grigioans are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The relatively small government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Crystalglass. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 9.2%.

The thriving Aged Pinot Grigioan economy, worth a remarkable 1,916 trillion corks a year, is quite specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Gambling, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing. Average income is 48,500 corks, with the richest citizens earning 9.8 times as much as the poorest.

More than one company makes the board game Monopoly, postcards from Aged Pinot Grigioan driving test centres are popular souvenirs, electrocution deaths among computer technicians are at an all-time high, and carpet bombing has decimated Brasilistan's landscape and population. Crime, especially youth-related, is well under control, thanks to a very well-funded police force. Aged Pinot Grigio's national animal is the lap dog, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Catholicism.

Aged Pinot Grigio is ranked 228,300^th in the world and 2^nd in Jesus for Most Primitive, scoring -91.65 on the Scary Big Number Scale.