The Immortal Empire of Alpanu is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by The Keeper with an iron fist, and remarkable for its deadly medical pandemics, anti-smoking policies, and parental licensing program. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 35.592 billion Alpanuans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Spirituality. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Delphinus. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 67.5%.

The all-consuming Alpanuan economy, worth a remarkable 7,175 trillion flasks a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Uranium Mining, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Retail. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 201,608 flasks, with the richest citizens earning 8.8 times as much as the poorest.

Business ambassadors offer bong tokes to foreign leaders, police officers often head to work wearing onesies and fluffy pink bunny-slippers, exceptionally healthy police officers can sprint after crooks for hours on end, and being The Keeper has been voted one of the top ten most dangerous jobs. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force. Alpanu's national animal is the puma, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is polytheism.

Alpanu is ranked 2,083^rd in the world and 1^st in The Scandalian Alliance for Largest Automobile Manufacturing Sector, scoring 11,558.95 on the Henry Ford Productivity Index.