by Max Barry

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The Eternal Misfortune of Aqualagoon

“Stop reading my motto!”

Category: Corrupt Dictatorship
Civil Rights:
Below Average
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Rare

Regional Influence: Minnow

Location: the South Pacific

OverviewPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Aqualagoon

Population5.401 billion

CurrencyRaindrop
AnimalTrout

The Eternal Misfortune of Aqualagoon is a colossal, efficient nation, notable for its deadly medical pandemics, fear of technology, and state-planned economy. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 5.401 billion Aqualagoonians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The tiny, corrupt, well-organized government is effectively ruled by the Department of Industry, with Welfare and Healthcare not funded at all. The average income tax rate is 6.2%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Aqualagoonian economy, worth 811 trillion Raindrops a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, highly specialized black market in Beef-Based Agriculture and Trout Farming. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 150,303 Raindrops, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Politicians accepting drinks in bars are executed for taking bribes, one does not simply walk into the tundra, 100-year-old politicians are now a thing of the past, and the new national mascot has to be wheeled onto the field of play. Crime, especially youth-related, is so common that it is unusual to encounter someone following the law, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Aqualagoon's national animal is the Trout, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Aqualagoon is ranked 1,402nd in the world and 32nd in the South Pacific for Most Corrupt Governments, with 288.44 Kickbacks Per Hour.

Top
1%
Largest Agricultural Sector: 1stLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 4thMost Ignorant Citizens: 51stHighest Crime Rates: 99thMost Armed: 106thMost Primitive: 130thMost Devout: 219thMost Rebellious Youth: 480thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 559thMost Subsidized Industry: 697thBest Weather: 1,005thNudest: 1,281stMost Corrupt Governments: 1,402ndTop
5%
Most Avoided: 1,950thLargest Black Market: 3,294thHighest Disposable Incomes: 3,529thFattest Citizens: 3,623rdHighest Poor Incomes: 6,560thMost Efficient Economies: 7,265thLowest Overall Tax Burden: 7,821stTop
10%
Most Beautiful Environments: 12,053rdHighest Average Incomes: 12,793rdRudest Citizens: 13,032ndMost Stationary: 14,670thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 15,443rd
Top
1%
Largest Agricultural Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 1st in the regionMost Primitive: 6th in the regionMost Armed: 7th in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 7th in the regionMost Ignorant Citizens: 7th in the regionMost Devout: 8th in the regionMost Rebellious Youth: 17th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 19th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 24th in the regionMost Avoided: 29th in the regionNudest: 31st in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 32nd in the regionBest Weather: 37th in the regionLargest Black Market: 58th in the regionTop
5%
Highest Disposable Incomes: 77th in the regionFattest Citizens: 79th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 148th in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 178th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 283rd in the regionMost Stationary: 293rd in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 319th in the regionLowest Overall Tax Burden: 329th in the regionRudest Citizens: 348th in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 371st in the regionTop
10%
Largest Populations: 421st in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 461st in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Aqualagoon was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Lowest Overall Tax Burden and the Top 10% for Highest Unexpected Death Rate.
  • : Following new legislation in Aqualagoon, the new national mascot has to be wheeled onto the field of play.
  • : Following new legislation in Aqualagoon, 100-year-old politicians are now a thing of the past.
  • : Following new legislation in Aqualagoon, one does not simply walk into the tundra.
  • : Following new legislation in Aqualagoon, politicians accepting drinks in bars are executed for taking bribes.
  • : Following new legislation in Aqualagoon, the nation's once beautiful countryside has turned brown as farmers spray potent pesticides.
  • : Following new legislation in Aqualagoon, awkward tourists are offered the 'unique experience' of rodeo clown.
  • : Following new legislation in Aqualagoon, the government is spending millions to provide full health care for all citizens.
  • : Following new legislation in Aqualagoon, pet loving officers arrest citizens who don't give their dogs enough biscuits.
  • : Following new legislation in Aqualagoon, one of the nation's leading exports is empty platitudes.

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