The Eternal Misfortune of Aqualagoon is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Queen Shrub with an iron fist, and notable for its complete lack of prisons, suspicion of poets, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 17.682 billion Aqualagoonians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Spirituality, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Florapolis. The average income tax rate is 99.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Aqualagoonian economy, worth a remarkable 8,821 trillion Raindrops a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, quite specialized black market in Beef-Based Agriculture, Trout Farming, and Cheese Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 498,911 Raindrops, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The banshee wail foretells skies of death, the Treasury has been accused of flushing money down the toilet, pulling weeds is seen as a threat to national security, and police officers catch up on their paperwork while handing their caseload to PIs. Crime, especially youth-related, is so common that it is unusual to encounter someone following the law, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Aqualagoon's national animal is the Trout, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Food.

Aqualagoon is ranked 1,561^st in the world and 3^rd in Pencil Sharpeners Puppet Storage for Most Advanced Public Transport, scoring 6,622.1 on the Societal Mobility Rating.