The Commonwealth of Aristokana is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by RiverLoki with a fair hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, ubiquitous missile silos, and unlimited-speed roads. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic population of 1.01 billion Aristokanans live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The medium-sized, liberal, pro-business, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Industry, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Aristök. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 26.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Aristokanan economy, worth 117 trillion Aristic Dollars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 116,006 Aristic Dollars, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 362,657 per year while the poor average 28,472, a ratio of 12.7 to 1.

One-man canoes fitted with the latest tracking technology leave no room for one man, military officers are given medals for disobeying orders, the latest national park is visited by more sharks than people, and RiverLoki has just been declared ruler of Aristokana in an international press conference. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Aristokana's national animal is the Katalanian Jaguar, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Aristokana is ranked 270,498^th in the world and 4,774^th in The North Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -158.69 on the Scary Big Number Scale.