The Kingdom of Ateenia is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Ena Kalinka with an iron fist, and remarkable for its sprawling nuclear power plants, complete lack of prisons, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 13.76 billion Ateenians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Law & Order, Administration, and Industry are also considered important, while Spirituality and International Aid receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Atha. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 71.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Ateenian economy, worth a remarkable 3,019 trillion Ateenian Crowns a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Woodchip Exports. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 219,471 Ateenian Crowns, with the richest citizens earning 5.7 times as much as the poorest.

The red star of communism has been replaced by the gold star of the McRonald's badge, increasing inclusiveness is a sign of the times, citizens seem fixated on 105m x 45m rectangles, and women earn less than half the salary of men if they can even find a job. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ateenia's national animal is the Polar Bear, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Vjoldinism.

Ateenia is ranked 13,058^th in the world and 811^th in Balder for Lowest Crime Rates, with 96.45 law-abiding acts per hour.