by Max Barry

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The Protectorate of Bald

“Determining who is smart and who was shot in the head.” Supreme Evil Overlord Balding

Category: Corporate Police State
Civil Rights:
Political Freedoms:

Regional Influence: Minnow

Location: The North Pacific



Population16.354 billion

CapitalHairless City
LeaderSupreme Evil Overlord Balding
Faiththe Order of Saint Balding

AnimalBald Eagle

The Protectorate of Bald is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Supreme Evil Overlord Balding with an iron fist, and renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, smutty television, and compulsory military service. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 16.354 billion Bald Bastards are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The relatively small, corrupt, pro-business, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Hairless City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 49.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Bald economy, worth a remarkable 5,710 trillion Balds a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Retail, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 349,190 Balds, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 3,222,663 per year while the poor average 3,757, a ratio of 857 to 1.

The Foreign Ministry thinks an eye for an eye is a blindingly good idea, search and rescue forces now accept cheques and all major credit cards, burning members of the Order of Violet is the nation's favorite pastime, and giant no-kill traps baited with Bapst Red Ribbon and vintage bicycles have been popping up in back alleys nationwide. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Bald's national animal is the Bald Eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is the Order of Saint Balding.

Bald is ranked 3,709th in the world and 132nd in The North Pacific for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring 11,720.92 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.

Highest Wealthy Incomes: 160thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 237thLargest Insurance Industry: 289thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 745thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 792ndLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 931stLargest Agricultural Sector: 999thLargest Black Market: 1,049thLargest Mining Sector: 1,052ndLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1,101stHighest Average Incomes: 1,220thMost Avoided: 1,281stFattest Citizens: 1,432ndHighest Economic Output: 1,468thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 1,473rdLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 1,519thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 1,696thMost Corrupt Governments: 1,705thLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 2,184thHighest Disposable Incomes: 2,198thTop
Largest Soda Pop Sector: 2,338thLowest Crime Rates: 2,545thLargest Retail Industry: 2,563rdLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 2,723rdMost Advanced Defense Forces: 2,802ndMost Stationary: 3,016thMost Efficient Economies: 3,281stLargest Gambling Industry: 3,709thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 3,839thLargest Governments: 4,306thMost Subsidized Industry: 7,270thMost Armed: 10,226thLargest Publishing Industry: 10,297thLargest Populations: 11,284thTop
Most Influential: 11,796thHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 13,394thMost Advanced Public Transport: 14,708thMost Scientifically Advanced: 14,894thLargest Information Technology Sector: 17,306thMost Pro-Market: 17,487thMost Devout: 20,599thSmartest Citizens: 22,016thMost Extreme: 22,160th
Highest Wealthy Incomes: 5th in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 5th in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 6th in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 19th in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 24th in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 28th in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 30th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 34th in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 36th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 44th in the regionMost Stationary: 45th in the regionMost Avoided: 45th in the regionFattest Citizens: 47th in the regionLargest Black Market: 49th in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 59th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 70th in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 73rd in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 76th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 76th in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 82nd in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 91st in the regionTop
Largest Basket Weaving Sector: 107th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 107th in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 122nd in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 126th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 131st in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 132nd in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 133rd in the regionLargest Populations: 134th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 192nd in the regionLargest Governments: 226th in the regionMost Pro-Market: 298th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 377th in the regionMost Armed: 381st in the regionTop
Largest Publishing Industry: 537th in the regionMost Extreme: 542nd in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 582nd in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 667th in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 797th in the regionMost Devout: 893rd in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 899th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Bald was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Largest Populations.
  • : Bald was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Highest Disposable Incomes.
  • : Bald was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Smartest Citizens.
  • : Bald was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Largest Basket Weaving Sector.
  • : Bald was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Largest Publishing Industry.
  • : Bald was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Largest Soda Pop Sector and the Top 10% for Most Extensive Public Healthcare.
  • : Bald was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Largest Retail Industry and Lowest Crime Rates.
  • : Bald was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Highest Disposable Incomes.
  • : Bald was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Largest Populations.
  • : Bald was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Largest Basket Weaving Sector.


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