The Humanist Republic of Bartonia Nova is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Archon Scipio Manlius with an iron fist, and remarkable for its smutty television, pith helmet sales, and irreverence towards religion. The compassionate, cynical population of 5.973 billion Bartonians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Callipolis. The average income tax rate is 90.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Bartonian economy, worth a remarkable 1,037 trillion denarii a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Retail. Average income is an impressive 173,730 denarii, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Employers are finding it hard to screen candidates now that everyone gets A grades in their exams, wind farms are erected on shuttered oil platforms, bizarre-looking creatures called 'owldogs' dominate wildlife preserves, and the average cargo freighter spends more than half its service life undergoing safety inspections. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Bartonia Nova's national animal is the owl, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Bartonia Nova is ranked 18,047^th in the world and 377^th in the South Pacific for Most Secular, with 66.28 Atheism Rate.