The Cantankerous Curmudgeon of Belschaft is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by James Lambert with a fair hand, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, complete lack of prisons, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 24.637 billion Belschaftians hold their civil and political rights very dear, although the wealthy and those in business tend to be viewed with suspicion.

The tiny, corrupt, liberal, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of New London. The average income tax rate is 2.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Belschaftian economy, worth a remarkable 5,733 trillion Federal Pounds a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Uranium Mining, and Automobile Manufacturing. Average income is an amazing 232,720 Federal Pounds, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.6 times as much as the poorest.

Public intoxication has decreased ever since fraternities were banned, citizens recently voted in favour of declaring bubblewrap an 'abomination of nature', vaccinations are mandatory, and movie references are legally admissible in court. Crime is totally unknown. Belschaft's national animal is the Evil Unicorn, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Belschaft is ranked 20,298^th in the world and 717^th in the South Pacific for Healthiest Citizens, with 8.54 Bananas Ingested Per Day.