by Max Barry

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National Flag

The Ancient Grove of Bristlecone Pine

“We Still Enjoy the Sunrise After All these Years”

Category: Inoffensive Centrist Democracy
Civil Rights:
Below Average
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Very Good

Regional Influence: Minnow

Location: Forest

OverviewPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Bristlecone Pine

Population9.956 billion

CapitalDroste
LeaderLeader
FaithMethusalism

CurrencyMeta
AnimalClarks Nutcracker

The Ancient Grove of Bristlecone Pine is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Leader with an even hand, and renowned for its fear of technology, smutty television, and frequent executions. The compassionate, hard-working, devout population of 9.956 billion Bristlecone Pineans have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Administration, Environment, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Droste. The average income tax rate is 86.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Bristlecone Pinean economy, worth 701 trillion Metas a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity. The industrial sector is solely comprised of the Information Technology industry. Average income is 70,472 Metas, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.2 times as much as the poorest.

Mandatory spouse selection pairs elderly apparatchiki with stunningly beautiful supermodels, kids only know what plants are because they've seen them on the television, exports of chewing gum are inexplicably falling, and thousands of children die every day from easily curable illnesses. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Bristlecone Pine's national animal is the Clarks Nutcracker, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Methusalism.

Bristlecone Pine is ranked 171,480th in the world and 387th in Forest for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 19.57 on the Bus Surprisal Index.

Top
1%
Best Weather: 1,661stMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 1,703rdTop
5%
Most Ignorant Citizens: 1,802ndMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 2,170thMost Subsidized Industry: 3,087thMost Advanced Public Transport: 5,367thLongest Average Lifespans: 5,947thHealthiest Citizens: 5,953rdLargest Black Market: 6,635thMost Beautiful Environments: 6,883rdLargest Welfare Programs: 8,596thTop
10%
Highest Average Tax Rates: 9,541stMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 11,107thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 11,601stMost Corrupt Governments: 14,928thMost Compassionate Citizens: 15,339thMost Efficient Economies: 15,360th
Top
10%
Most Average: 24th in the regionMost Ignorant Citizens: 25th in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 28th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 30th in the regionLargest Black Market: 37th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in Bristlecone Pine, thousands of children die every day from easily curable illnesses.
  • : Following new legislation in Bristlecone Pine, exports of chewing gum are inexplicably falling.
  • : Following new legislation in Bristlecone Pine, kids only know what plants are because they've seen them on the television.
  • : Following new legislation in Bristlecone Pine, mandatory spouse selection pairs elderly apparatchiki with stunningly beautiful supermodels.
  • : Following new legislation in Bristlecone Pine, the sun now sets on the Bristlecone Pinean Empire.
  • : Following new legislation in Bristlecone Pine, the military is plagued with unethical researchers.
  • : Following new legislation in Bristlecone Pine, the government has pledged that not one drop of its citizens' blood will be spilt.
  • : Following new legislation in Bristlecone Pine, crimes are difficult to stop as most of the police force is stuck in traffic.
  • : Bristlecone Pine was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Most Extensive Public Healthcare and the Top 10% for Most Average.
  • : Following new legislation in Bristlecone Pine, troublemakers boast about how many times they have to visit their therapist.

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