by Max Barry

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The Glorious Empire of Burning Pants


Category: Anarchy
Civil Rights:
Political Freedoms:

Regional Influence: Apprentice

Location: Lazarus


Burning Pants

Population11.785 billion

LeaderThe King of Braves
FaithThe Oath Sworn Through Courage

AnimalFighting Mechanoid

The Glorious Empire of Burning Pants is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by The King of Braves with a fair hand, and notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, ubiquitous missile silos, and free-roaming dinosaurs. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 11.785 billion Burner of Pants live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

There is no government in the normal sense of the word; however, a small group of community-minded, corrupt, liberal, pro-business, outspoken individuals juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Social Policy. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of adventure. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Pants-Burner economy, worth a remarkable 3,535 trillion G-Stones a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Retail, and Uranium Mining. Average income is an amazing 300,003 G-Stones, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 2,880,897 per year while the poor average 1,824, a ratio of 1,579 to 1.

The only place where one can see the Pants-Burner cherry tree is in a museum, beating enemies to death with a baseball bat is legal if done within nine innings, most people suffer from some form of hearing loss, and it is said that a Pants-Burner woman's work is never done. Crime, especially youth-related, is so common that it is unusual to encounter someone following the law, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Burning Pants's national animal is the Fighting Mechanoid, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The Oath Sworn Through Courage.

Burning Pants is ranked 1,315th in the world and 4th in Lazarus for Most Extensive Civil Rights, with 99.14 Martin Luther King, Jr. Units.

Highest Drug Use: 3rdRudest Citizens: 24thMost Rebellious Youth: 61stMost Armed: 79thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 89thHighest Crime Rates: 92ndMost Efficient Economies: 176thMost Avoided: 228thLowest Overall Tax Burden: 235thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 281stFattest Citizens: 317thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 530thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 531stLargest Retail Industry: 566thHighest Disposable Incomes: 614thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 636thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 675thLargest Information Technology Sector: 786thMost Scientifically Advanced: 865thLargest Gambling Industry: 1,059thMost Corrupt Governments: 1,136thMost Extreme: 1,270thMost Secular: 1,279thHighest Workforce Participation Rate: 1,304thMost Extensive Civil Rights: 1,315thLargest Mining Sector: 1,408thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 1,597thHighest Average Incomes: 1,615thTop
Most Politically Free: 1,739thMost Pro-Market: 1,762ndGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 1,763rdLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 2,051stMost Influential: 2,075thHighest Economic Output: 2,679thSmartest Citizens: 2,864thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 3,653rdLargest Insurance Industry: 3,729thNudest: 4,870thLargest Publishing Industry: 7,151stTop
Largest Black Market: 10,000thMost Inclusive: 12,544th
Highest Drug Use: 1st in the regionRudest Citizens: 2nd in the regionMost Rebellious Youth: 2nd in the regionMost Extreme: 4th in the regionMost Armed: 4th in the regionMost Extensive Civil Rights: 4th in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 5th in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 6th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 6th in the regionLowest Overall Tax Burden: 8th in the regionMost Avoided: 8th in the regionFattest Citizens: 9th in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 11th in the regionMost Politically Free: 15th in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 15th in the regionMost Pro-Market: 15th in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 19th in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 20th in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 20th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 21st in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 23rd in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 24th in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 29th in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 32nd in the regionMost Influential: 36th in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 36th in the regionMost Secular: 50th in the regionHighest Workforce Participation Rate: 55th in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 63rd in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 64th in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 69th in the regionTop
Largest Mining Sector: 77th in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 123rd in the regionHighest Economic Output: 125th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 127th in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 221st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 226th in the regionNudest: 268th in the regionTop
Largest Publishing Industry: 389th in the regionMost Stationary: 492nd in the regionLargest Populations: 510th in the regionLargest Black Market: 602nd in the regionMost Inclusive: 687th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in Burning Pants, it is said that a Pants-Burner woman's work is never done.
  • : Following new legislation in Burning Pants, most people suffer from some form of hearing loss.
  • : Burning Pants endorsed The Federal Republic of Richtera.
  • : Burning Pants was endorsed by The Federal Republic of Richtera.
  • : Following new legislation in Burning Pants, beating enemies to death with a baseball bat is legal if done within nine innings.
  • : Following new legislation in Burning Pants, the only place where one can see the Pants-Burner cherry tree is in a museum.
  • : Following new legislation in Burning Pants, cancer rates amongst the richest in society are inexplicably on the rise.
  • : Following new legislation in Burning Pants, the latest "must-have" uPhone is 1/4 mm thinner than last year's uPhone.
  • : Following new legislation in Burning Pants, oil rigs in winter are heated by contained oil slick fires.
  • : Following new legislation in Burning Pants, The King of Braves has no checks and balances after the upper house was abolished.


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