by Max Barry

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Spotlight on:

National Flag

The Commonwealth of Cairnben

“To rebel is justified”

Category: Left-wing Utopia
Civil Rights:
World Benchmark
Political Freedoms:

Regional Influence: Shoeshiner

Location: The North Pacific



Population7.01 billion

Leaderthe Chairman of the Commonwealth Council


The Commonwealth of Cairnben is a colossal, genial nation, ruled by the Chairman of the Commonwealth Council with a fair hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 7.01 billion Cairnbenians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, liberal, socially-minded government prioritizes Education, although Environment, Healthcare, and Welfare are also considered important, while Spirituality is ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Nubierth. The average income tax rate is 96.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Cairnbenian economy, worth a remarkable 1,085 trillion bretzels a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing and Tourism. Average income is an impressive 154,833 bretzels, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Soldiers must key in their passwords every time they want to reload their weapons, commuters often break into synchronised para-para dancing for no reason at all, being the Chairman of the Commonwealth Council has been voted one of the top ten most dangerous jobs, and the old neighbourhood isn't how most Cairnbenians remember it. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cairnben's national animal is the hummingbird, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Cairnben is ranked 166,827th in the world and 8,899th in The North Pacific for Highest Crime Rates, with 1.57 Crimes Per Hour.

Highest Workforce Participation Rate: 1,049thLeast Corrupt Governments: 1,142ndMost World Assembly Endorsements: 1,347thMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 1,398thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 1,414thLargest Welfare Programs: 1,442ndMost Influential: 1,482ndMost Advanced Public Education: 1,521stTop
Most Developed: 1,762ndBest Weather: 1,802ndMost Beautiful Environments: 1,920thMost Compassionate Citizens: 1,962ndSafest: 1,988thNicest Citizens: 2,109thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 2,145thMost Inclusive: 2,278thLongest Average Lifespans: 2,370thMost Pacifist: 2,557thMost Rebellious Youth: 2,841stHealthiest Citizens: 3,038thHighest Average Tax Rates: 3,089thSmartest Citizens: 3,154thHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 3,557thHighest Poor Incomes: 3,901stMost Advanced Public Transport: 3,925thLargest Governments: 4,071stMost Cheerful Citizens: 4,200thLowest Crime Rates: 4,547thLargest Publishing Industry: 4,884thMost Cultured: 5,067thMost Subsidized Industry: 5,415thMost Scientifically Advanced: 5,494thLargest Information Technology Sector: 5,676thMost Efficient Economies: 6,888thNudest: 7,914thTop
Most Secular: 9,582ndHighest Average Incomes: 11,946thMost Extensive Civil Rights: 12,855thHighest Economic Output: 13,945thMost Income Equality: 14,726th
Highest Workforce Participation Rate: 55th in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 63rd in the regionLargest Welfare Programs: 63rd in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 66th in the regionLeast Corrupt Governments: 68th in the regionMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 70th in the regionTop
Most Developed: 98th in the regionBest Weather: 106th in the regionSafest: 107th in the regionMost Rebellious Youth: 107th in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 109th in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 123rd in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 134th in the regionMost Compassionate Citizens: 134th in the regionNicest Citizens: 137th in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 139th in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 145th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 149th in the regionMost Inclusive: 151st in the regionMost Pacifist: 155th in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 174th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 174th in the regionLargest Governments: 200th in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 218th in the regionMost Cheerful Citizens: 219th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 222nd in the regionNudest: 238th in the regionLargest Publishing Industry: 246th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 257th in the regionMost Cultured: 257th in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 316th in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 327th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 374th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 439th in the regionTop
Most Secular: 502nd in the regionMost Extensive Civil Rights: 556th in the regionMost Influential: 561st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 565th in the regionLargest Populations: 717th in the regionMost Income Equality: 751st in the regionRudest Citizens: 764th in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 797th in the regionHighest Drug Use: 889th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in Cairnben, the old neighbourhood isn't how most Cairnbenians remember it.
  • : Following new legislation in Cairnben, being the Chairman of the Commonwealth Council has been voted one of the top ten most dangerous jobs.
  • : Following new legislation in Cairnben, commuters often break into synchronised para-para dancing for no reason at all.
  • : Cairnben was endorsed by The Christmas Tree Factory of Cobleck Weleis.
  • : Following new legislation in Cairnben, soldiers must key in their passwords every time they want to reload their weapons.
  • : Following new legislation in Cairnben, scientists recently cloned the long-extinct feather-bellied hummingbird.
  • : Following new legislation in Cairnben, the nation's navy has been named the scourge of the seven thousand seas.
  • : Following new legislation in Cairnben, cash-strapped junkies lick rabbits for a cheap high.
  • : Cairnben was endorsed by The Tsaral Communes of Volstokn.
  • : Cairnben was endorsed by The Kingdom of Angshire.


World Assembly

Endorsements Received: 113 » Miruma, Alunya, Afcon, The Rhein States, Loutsland, Ethnon, Runeda, Territorio di Nessuno, Zyvetskistaahn, Pazair, McMasterdonia, Great Bights Mum, Corfad, Dar es Saalam, Yaorozu, Koda-Land, PlanetPunk, Viridiann, North Bratislava, Notyoutopia, Amauri, Kasazzastan, New Bremerton, Sundred, Sockmanland, Shibutani, Federation Terra Australis, Guer Aike, Dabarastan, Dreadton, Steampunk Ariel, Sunto, Neworva, Daiz, United Anglo-America, Zumlandia, Seenvorland, United Kahndaq, Sea Ghost, Eri-Maqa-Ena, Vincone Cae, Parmovand, Shadowrik, Daymonskinner, Holy Oranz, New Octicarg, Maott, Trillius, Siwale, 1 very fast endotarter, and 63 others.Clan Spaniel, Pallaith, Terban Kedah, Eravonia, Selfgradatude, Kranostav, Xentherida, Ravendi, Destructive Government Endorsing System, Frances Francis the First of France, Xagill, Glurponia, Wisconsota, Wineclaw, Idumetala, Huks Gares, Omnistria, Duerrlewang, The Tampa Bay Rays, Interdimensional Zone, Valhalla123, Serendipita Martia, U S Eh, Sil Dorsett, The Reorganized Arctic Territories, Kaschovia, Equestrian Commonwealth, New Trisone, Ponantine, Bearical, Castle Federation, Diodone, The AP Republic, Black Templares, Aratani, Maestros haven, Malta Comino Gozo, Empy, Abject Ludicrosity, El Fiji Grande, Prydania, Wodan, Palgo, Great Robertia, Religioncord, Roussea, Northern Wush, Gnomewatchers, Xenja Tomanar, The Iron Lions, Aenglaland, Votak Matim, General COE, The Nation that will win Soops for 9003, Valentine Z, Fendlium, Puppets and Strings, Praeceps, New Bismuthium, Antityranicals, Angshire, Volstokn, and Cobleck Weleis.

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