by Max Barry

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The January Sales of Candlewhisper Archive

Candlewhisper Archive was Commended by Security Council Resolution # 235

“doo doo doo doo doooo, We're Lovin' It.” Johnny Burger

Category: Capitalist Paradise
Civil Rights:
Excellent
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Excellent

Regional Influence: Handshaker

Location: Forest

OverviewFactbookPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Issues Editor

Candlewhisper Archive

Population7.53 billion

CapitalMonaster
LeaderJohnny Burger

CurrencyOrbicularis
AnimalSeven-Toed Anxious Dolphin Mutant Thing

The January Sales of Candlewhisper Archive is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Johnny Burger with a fair hand, and notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, unlimited-speed roads, and sprawling nuclear power plants. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 7.53 billion Archivists are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The minute, pro-business government, or what there is of one, prioritizes Education, although Industry, Administration, and Social Policy are also considered important, while Environment and Defense receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Monaster. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Archivian economy, worth a remarkable 2,923 trillion Orbicularis a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Soda Sales, and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 388,217 Orbicularis, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 2,111,526 per year while the poor average 36,697, a ratio of 57.5 to 1.

Dubiously qualified Skandilundian barristers keep referring to laws as 'government guidelines', Brown Sugar 101 is a popular course at community colleges, stolen Reuben sandwiches are met with detailed and thorough police investigations, and Bigtopian interference in domestic elections is always democratically sanctioned. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Candlewhisper Archive's national animal is the Seven-Toed Anxious Dolphin Mutant Thing, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Candlewhisper Archive is ranked 57,878th in the world and 144th in Forest for Most Extreme, scoring 22.46 on the Paul-Nader Subjective Decentrality Index.

Top
1%
Largest Soda Pop Sector: 71stHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 148thFattest Citizens: 151stMost Avoided: 159thLargest Retail Industry: 174thRudest Citizens: 188thLowest Overall Tax Burden: 191stHighest Wealthy Incomes: 213thMost Scientifically Advanced: 236thHighest Disposable Incomes: 245thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 258thLargest Information Technology Sector: 340thMost Inclusive: 419thMost Secular: 445thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 477thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 507thSmartest Citizens: 516thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 548thHighest Workforce Participation Rate: 575thHighest Average Incomes: 581stMost Rebellious Youth: 828thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 846thHighest Crime Rates: 848thLargest Mining Sector: 1,015thLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 1,028thMost Influential: 1,138thLargest Publishing Industry: 1,187thMost Cultured: 1,677thTop
5%
Largest Insurance Industry: 1,851stLargest Gambling Industry: 1,927thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 2,971stHighest Economic Output: 3,293rdMost Efficient Economies: 5,198thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 5,937thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 6,213thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 7,425thMost Armed: 7,448thTop
10%
Most Pro-Market: 10,080thNudest: 11,983rdLargest Black Market: 15,835thHighest Drug Use: 16,966th
Top
1%
Largest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 1st in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Avoided: 2nd in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 2nd in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 2nd in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2nd in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 2nd in the regionLowest Overall Tax Burden: 2nd in the regionRudest Citizens: 2nd in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 2nd in the regionFattest Citizens: 3rd in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 3rd in the regionTop
5%
Largest Information Technology Sector: 5th in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 6th in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 6th in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 6th in the regionMost Pro-Market: 8th in the regionMost Influential: 8th in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 8th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 8th in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 8th in the regionMost Inclusive: 10th in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 10th in the regionMost Secular: 10th in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 11th in the regionHighest Workforce Participation Rate: 12th in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 14th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 14th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 15th in the regionLargest Publishing Industry: 18th in the regionTop
10%
Most Rebellious Youth: 20th in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 20th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 23rd in the regionMost Armed: 24th in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 24th in the regionMost Cultured: 25th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 32nd in the regionMost Stationary: 37th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Candlewhisper Archive was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Highest Drug Use.
  • : Candlewhisper Archive lodged a message on the Forest Regional Message Board.
  • : Following new legislation in Candlewhisper Archive, Bigtopian interference in domestic elections is always democratically sanctioned.
  • : Following new legislation in Candlewhisper Archive, stolen Reuben sandwiches are met with detailed and thorough police investigations.
  • : Following new legislation in Candlewhisper Archive, Brown Sugar 101 is a popular course at community colleges.
  • : Following new legislation in Candlewhisper Archive, dubiously qualified Skandilundian barristers keep referring to laws as 'government guidelines'.
  • : Following new legislation in Candlewhisper Archive, child labor has been outlawed.
  • : Candlewhisper Archive voted against the World Assembly Resolution "Command Responsibility".
  • : Following new legislation in Candlewhisper Archive, the nation's leader is normally just referred to as "snuggle-wuggle-huggy-bear".
  • : Following new legislation in Candlewhisper Archive, election results are often delayed for weeks to count the expat votes.

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