by Max Barry

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The ❤️ Delinquent ❤️ of Captain Lard

“Racism is Whack” Default Skin

Category: Corporate Police State
Civil Rights:
Unheard Of
Political Freedoms:

Regional Influence: Duckspeaker

Location: Lardyland


Captain Lard

Population2.035 billion

CapitalDisney World
LeaderDefault Skin
FaithThe Gospel of Ben Shapiro


The ❤️ Delinquent ❤️ of Captain Lard is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Default Skin with an iron fist, and notable for its rampant corporate plagiarism, otherworldly petting zoo, and sprawling nuclear power plants. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 2.035 billion Lardlings are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Industry, Law & Order, and Education are also considered important, while Environment and Welfare aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Disney World. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 8.3%.

The frighteningly efficient AWESOME economy, worth 494 trillion spittoons a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an amazing 243,160 spittoons, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,114,207 per year while the poor average 32,260, a ratio of 34.5 to 1.

The government's official position on invasive species is 'who cares?', 'Police Academy 36' and 'Sharknados On A Plane' are vying for top spot at the box-office, many believe that Default Skin's head is big enough for the sun to orbit around it, and immigrant herding has become a national pastime. Crime is a major problem, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Captain Lard's national animal is the Jesus, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The Gospel of Ben Shapiro.

Captain Lard is ranked 22,075th in the world and 16th in Lardyland for Most Extreme, scoring 31.56 on the Paul-Nader Subjective Decentrality Index.

Fattest Citizens: 675thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 754thMost Avoided: 767thLargest Retail Industry: 991stLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1,048thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1,067thMost Armed: 1,073rdHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1,119thMost Secular: 1,328thHighest Disposable Incomes: 1,340thLargest Mining Sector: 1,377thMost Corrupt Governments: 1,472ndLargest Insurance Industry: 1,494thTop
Rudest Citizens: 2,254thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2,444thLargest Gambling Industry: 2,573rdLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 2,949thHighest Average Incomes: 2,983rdLargest Soda Pop Sector: 2,993rdLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 3,821stNudest: 4,010thHighest Crime Rates: 4,140thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 4,294thMost Scientifically Advanced: 4,705thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 4,990thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 5,162ndLargest Information Technology Sector: 5,559thLargest Black Market: 6,834thTop
Most Subsidized Industry: 9,365thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 9,824thMost Efficient Economies: 10,279thMost Conservative: 12,779thLargest Agricultural Sector: 15,443rdLargest Governments: 15,550th
Fattest Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Avoided: 1st in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 1st in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 1st in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 1st in the regionRudest Citizens: 1st in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionTop
Largest Black Market: 2nd in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2nd in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 2nd in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 2nd in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 2nd in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 2nd in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 3rd in the regionLargest Governments: 3rd in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 4th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 4th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 4th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 5th in the regionNudest: 5th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 5th in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 5th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 5th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 6th in the regionTop
Highest Crime Rates: 7th in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 7th in the regionMost Influential: 10th in the regionMost Developed: 10th in the regionMost Conservative: 11th in the region

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