by Max Barry

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Spotlight on:

National Flag

The Please validate me as funny of Captain Lard

“Nugget, Biscuit, Nugget in a Biscuit” President George W Bush

Category: Corporate Police State
Civil Rights:
Unheard Of
Political Freedoms:
Unheard Of

Regional Influence: Handshaker

Location: Lardyland


Captain Lard

Population2.408 billion

CapitalAls Toy Barn
LeaderPresident George W Bush
FaithThe gospel of James Charles

CurrencyThe firstborn son
AnimalJesus of Nazareth

The Please validate me as funny of Captain Lard is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by President George W Bush with an iron fist, and renowned for its closed borders, enslaved workforce, and free-roaming dinosaurs. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 2.408 billion Lardlings are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Industry, Law & Order, and Education also on the agenda, while Environment and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Als Toy Barn. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 6.5%.

The frighteningly efficient AWESOME economy, worth 609 trillion The firstborn sons a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an amazing 253,141 The firstborn sons, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,273,318 per year while the poor average 28,126, a ratio of 45.3 to 1.

Colonists who were promised new lands find only war-torn devastation, children are often punished for the sins of the fathers, nuclear reactors are held together with party string and Hubba Bubba, and families returning from international vacations are unable to get their children back into the country. Crime is pervasive, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Captain Lard's national animal is the Jesus of Nazareth, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The gospel of James Charles.

Captain Lard is ranked 19,517th in the world and 4th in Lardyland for Smartest Citizens, with 62.28 Quips Per Hour.

Most Avoided: 593rdFattest Citizens: 607thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 612thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 762ndLargest Retail Industry: 872ndLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 946thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 947thMost Armed: 947thLargest Insurance Industry: 1,101stMost Secular: 1,140thHighest Disposable Incomes: 1,141stMost Corrupt Governments: 1,428thLargest Mining Sector: 1,464thTop
Rudest Citizens: 2,057thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2,272ndLargest Gambling Industry: 2,351stLargest Soda Pop Sector: 2,677thHighest Average Incomes: 2,704thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 2,865thHighest Crime Rates: 3,130thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 3,723rdLargest Manufacturing Sector: 3,743rdLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 4,247thMost Scientifically Advanced: 4,317thNudest: 4,456thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 4,693rdLargest Information Technology Sector: 5,649thMost Conservative: 8,073rdMost Subsidized Industry: 8,166thLargest Black Market: 8,195thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 8,534thTop
Lowest Overall Tax Burden: 8,810thMost Efficient Economies: 10,116thLargest Agricultural Sector: 13,283rdLargest Governments: 13,497thMost Extreme: 13,862ndMost Pro-Market: 15,375th
Largest Information Technology Sector: 1st in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 1st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 1st in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Avoided: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 1st in the regionFattest Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 1st in the regionTop
Largest Retail Industry: 2nd in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2nd in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 2nd in the regionRudest Citizens: 2nd in the regionLargest Governments: 3rd in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 3rd in the regionLargest Black Market: 4th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 4th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 4th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 4th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 4th in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 4th in the regionNudest: 5th in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 5th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 5th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 5th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 6th in the regionTop
Most Influential: 10th in the regionMost Conservative: 11th in the regionMost Developed: 12th in the regionLowest Overall Tax Burden: 13th in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 13th in the regionLargest Populations: 14th in the region

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