by Max Barry

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National Flag

The Congressional Republic of Cauva

“Ideo oportet nos manducare”

Category: Capitalist Paradise
Civil Rights:
Political Freedoms:

Regional Influence: Squire

Location: Novus Lucidum



Population2.149 billion


Currency₺ Cauvan Lira
AnimalTasselled Wobbegong

The Congressional Republic of Cauva is a massive, cultured nation, notable for its ubiquitous missile silos, complete lack of prisons, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 2.149 billion Cauvans are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The tiny, corrupt government prioritizes Defense, although Industry, Healthcare, and Administration are also considered important, while Social Policy and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kulinā. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 6.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Cauvan economy, worth 268 trillion ₺ Cauvan Lire a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Gambling, Information Technology, and Retail. Black market activity is notable. Average income is an impressive 125,002 ₺ Cauvan Lire, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 558,754 per year while the poor average 17,344, a ratio of 32.2 to 1.

Legislators toe the party line lest the Sergeant-at-Arms decide to conduct "truncheon practice" on the backbench, young children are regularly seen wagering pocket money at blackjack tables, a milk bath costs more than bathing in money, and not showing enough enthusiasm for mutual assured destruction is a court-martial offence. Crime is pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Cauva's national animal is the Tasselled Wobbegong, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Cauva is ranked 34,224th in the world and 2nd in Novus Lucidum for Largest Basket Weaving Sector, scoring 4,694.17 on the Hickory Productivity Index.

Largest Gambling Industry: 1,455thHighest Crime Rates: 2,386thTop
Fattest Citizens: 3,010thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 3,169thMost Avoided: 3,684thHighest Disposable Incomes: 4,430thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 5,350thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 5,389thMost Armed: 5,727thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 6,683rdLowest Overall Tax Burden: 6,966thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 7,338thRudest Citizens: 7,790thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 10,343rdTop
Largest Retail Industry: 12,666thMost Corrupt Governments: 13,572ndMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 14,704thMost Valuable International Artwork: 15,442ndLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 17,721stLargest Mining Sector: 18,772ndMost Efficient Economies: 20,549thHighest Average Incomes: 21,533rdGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 22,839thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 22,969th

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Cauva's influence in Novus Lucidum rose from "Page" to "Squire".
  • : Cauva altered its national flag.
  • : Cauva altered its national flag.
  • : Cauva altered its national flag.
  • : Cauva's influence in Novus Lucidum rose from "Shoeshiner" to "Page".
  • : Cauva's influence in Novus Lucidum rose from "Sprat" to "Shoeshiner".
  • : Cauva's influence in Novus Lucidum rose from "Minnow" to "Sprat".
  • : Cauva's influence in Novus Lucidum rose from "Zero" to "Minnow".
  • : Cauva changed its national motto to "Ideo oportet nos manducare".
  • : Cauva changed its national animal to "Tasselled Wobbegong", its capital to "Kulinā", and its currency to "₺ Cauvan Lira".


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