by Max Barry

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The Popsicle Pete Nation of Clench

“NONE OF YOU ARE SAFE!”

Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights:
Unheard Of
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Outlawed

Regional Influence: Shoeshiner

Location: the Rejected Realms

OverviewPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Clench

Population31.394 billion

CapitalJoseph City
LeaderJoseph
FaithJosephism

Currencymoney
Animalviper

The Popsicle Pete Nation of Clench is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Joseph with an iron fist, and notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, compulsory military service, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 31.394 billion follower of Josephs are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Industry and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Social Policy and Environment aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Joseph City. The average income tax rate is 98.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Josephic economy, worth an astonishing 32,433 trillion monies a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. Average income is a breathtaking 1,033,116 monies, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 2,983,402 per year while the poor average 283,835, a ratio of 10.5 to 1.

Strange looking men with big red noses are found hiding behind bushes and inside dustbins, police drones follow every suspected Peeping Tom, school uniforms are compulsory, and the police use sound cannons and mortars to deal with loud parties. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Clench's national animal is the viper, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Josephism.

Clench is ranked 205,568th in the world and 5,580th in the Rejected Realms for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring -64.34 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.

Top
1%
Largest Insurance Industry: 3rdLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 3rdLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 5thLargest Black Market: 5thHighest Average Incomes: 9thLargest Mining Sector: 9thHighest Economic Output: 14thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 15thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 16thLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 20thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 20thLargest Agricultural Sector: 22ndLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 31stMost Advanced Defense Forces: 80thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 116thMost Subsidized Industry: 117thMost Avoided: 137thMost Corrupt Governments: 153rdHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 164thLargest Governments: 171stLargest Soda Pop Sector: 183rdHighest Wealthy Incomes: 184thMost Efficient Economies: 194thFattest Citizens: 309thLowest Crime Rates: 356thHighest Poor Incomes: 436thMost Advanced Public Transport: 443rdLargest Retail Industry: 699thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 915thMost Scientifically Advanced: 1,741stLargest Populations: 1,756thHighest Average Tax Rates: 1,966thTop
5%
Largest Information Technology Sector: 4,387thLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 4,666thRudest Citizens: 5,924thMost Conservative: 7,657thMost Stationary: 7,981stTop
10%
Most Devout: 12,155thLargest Publishing Industry: 14,739thMost Advanced Public Education: 15,023rdMost Authoritarian: 16,889thMost Developed: 17,014thSmartest Citizens: 17,184th
Top
1%
Largest Basket Weaving Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionHighest Economic Output: 1st in the regionLargest Black Market: 1st in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 3rd in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 3rd in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 4th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 4th in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 8th in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 8th in the regionLargest Governments: 10th in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 11th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 11th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 11th in the regionMost Avoided: 11th in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 18th in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 18th in the regionFattest Citizens: 21st in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 28th in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 32nd in the regionLargest Populations: 35th in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 49th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 55th in the regionTop
5%
Most Stationary: 72nd in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 107th in the regionLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 112th in the regionRudest Citizens: 157th in the regionMost Conservative: 234th in the regionTop
10%
Largest Publishing Industry: 284th in the regionMost Devout: 343rd in the regionMost Developed: 363rd in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 363rd in the regionSmartest Citizens: 381st in the regionMost Influential: 444th in the regionMost Extreme: 518th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 540th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Clench was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Authoritarian.
  • : Clench was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Devout.
  • : Clench was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Influential.
  • : Clench was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Extensive Civil Rights.
  • : Clench was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Largest Populations.
  • : Clench was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Most Scientifically Advanced and Highest Average Tax Rates, the Top 5% for Most Stationary, and the Top 10% for Smartest Citizens.
  • : Clench was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Stationary.
  • : Clench was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Smartest Citizens.
  • : Clench was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Most Efficient Economies, the Top 5% for Largest Trout Fishing Sector, and the Top 10% for Most Developed.
  • : Clench was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Smartest Citizens.

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