by Max Barry

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The Popsicle Pete Nation of Clench

“NONE OF YOU ARE SAFE!”

Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights:
Outlawed
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Outlawed

Regional Influence: Shoeshiner

Location: the Rejected Realms

OverviewPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Clench

Population33.079 billion

CapitalJoseph City
LeaderJoseph
FaithJosephism

Currencymoney
Animalviper

The Popsicle Pete Nation of Clench is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Joseph with an iron fist, and remarkable for its infamous sell-swords, sprawling nuclear power plants, and pith helmet sales. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 33.079 billion follower of Josephs are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Industry and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Social Policy and Environment receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Joseph City. The average income tax rate is 98.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Josephic economy, worth an astonishing 34,368 trillion monies a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. Average income is a breathtaking 1,038,982 monies, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 3,278,675 per year while the poor average 251,561, a ratio of 13.0 to 1.

Angst-filled teenagers are rushing off to buy government bonds for some odd reason, journalists giggle uncontrollably while reporting the nation's drug bonfires, the nation's prisons are touted as the best weight loss programs money can't buy, and the government insists that bizarre Lilliputian language game shows were made domestically. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Clench's national animal is the viper, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Josephism.

Clench is ranked 1,707th in the world and 36th in the Rejected Realms for Largest Populations, with 33.1 billion Capita.

Top
1%
Largest Furniture Restoration Industry: 2ndLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 5thLargest Insurance Industry: 6thLargest Black Market: 7thHighest Average Incomes: 9thLargest Mining Sector: 10thHighest Economic Output: 13thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 15thLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 20thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 20thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 21stLargest Agricultural Sector: 24thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 27thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 91stMost Avoided: 135thMost Subsidized Industry: 137thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 149thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 151stMost Corrupt Governments: 151stHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 168thLargest Governments: 176thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 183rdMost Efficient Economies: 205thFattest Citizens: 294thLowest Crime Rates: 379thMost Advanced Public Transport: 432ndHighest Poor Incomes: 762ndLargest Retail Industry: 765thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 955thLargest Populations: 1,707thMost Scientifically Advanced: 1,716thHighest Average Tax Rates: 2,052ndTop
5%
Largest Information Technology Sector: 4,510thLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 4,991stRudest Citizens: 6,139thMost Conservative: 7,313thMost Devout: 7,444thMost Stationary: 7,454thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 10,461stTop
10%
Largest Publishing Industry: 13,974thMost Advanced Public Education: 16,297thMost Authoritarian: 17,226thSmartest Citizens: 18,620thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 22,002ndMost Influential: 22,112th
Top
1%
Largest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Black Market: 1st in the regionHighest Economic Output: 1st in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 1st in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 2nd in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 2nd in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 2nd in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 2nd in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 9th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 10th in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 11th in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 11th in the regionLargest Governments: 11th in the regionMost Avoided: 12th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 12th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 14th in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 18th in the regionFattest Citizens: 20th in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 26th in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 32nd in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 33rd in the regionLargest Populations: 36th in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 50th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 56th in the regionMost Stationary: 67th in the regionTop
5%
Largest Information Technology Sector: 112th in the regionLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 131st in the regionRudest Citizens: 147th in the regionMost Conservative: 232nd in the regionLargest Publishing Industry: 266th in the regionMost Devout: 306th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 366th in the regionTop
10%
Highest Unexpected Death Rate: 405th in the regionMost Influential: 405th in the regionMost Extreme: 441st in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 467th in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 519th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 522nd in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 657th in the regionMost Developed: 695th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in Clench, the government insists that bizarre Lilliputian language game shows were made domestically.
  • : Following new legislation in Clench, the nation's prisons are touted as the best weight loss programs money can't buy.
  • : Following new legislation in Clench, journalists giggle uncontrollably while reporting the nation's drug bonfires.
  • : Following new legislation in Clench, angst-filled teenagers are rushing off to buy government bonds for some odd reason.
  • : Following new legislation in Clench, the Josephic war navy contains an oddly large number of luxury yachts and cruise liners.
  • : Following new legislation in Clench, male friends are often accompanied by a female relative in order to prove their 'straightness'.
  • : Following new legislation in Clench, the ongoing space elevator construction project has elevated the national debt to all new levels.
  • : Following new legislation in Clench, government statistics suggest 115% of the population love Joseph.
  • : Following new legislation in Clench, rabbits are known to spontaneously explode without warning.
  • : Following new legislation in Clench, people experiencing anaphylactic shock are told to buck their ideas up.

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