by Max Barry

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The Popsicle Pete Nation of Clench

“NONE OF YOU ARE SAFE!”

Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights:
Unheard Of
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Outlawed

Regional Influence: Shoeshiner

Location: the Rejected Realms

OverviewPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Clench

Population41.165 billion

CapitalJoseph City
LeaderJoseph
FaithJosephism

Currencymoney
Animalviper

The Popsicle Pete Nation of Clench is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Joseph with an iron fist, and remarkable for its prohibition of alcohol, strictly enforced bedtime, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 41.165 billion follower of Josephs are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Industry and Healthcare are also considered important, while Social Policy and Environment are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Joseph City. The average income tax rate is 98.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Josephic economy, worth an astonishing 42,949 trillion monies a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. Average income is a breathtaking 1,043,352 monies, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 4,748,317 per year while the poor average 140,151, a ratio of 33.9 to 1.

An increasing number of citizens believe the world is flat, industry tycoons rarely hide their misdeeds due to the government's habit of bailing them out, punk rockers smash it up and then clean it up, and directors of low-budget sci-fi films are flocking to use Joseph City as a backdrop. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Clench's national animal is the viper, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Josephism.

Clench is ranked 19th in the world and 1st in the Rejected Realms for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring 27,320.94 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.

Top
1%
Largest Furniture Restoration Industry: 4thLargest Insurance Industry: 6thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 7thLargest Black Market: 8thLargest Mining Sector: 11thHighest Economic Output: 11thHighest Average Incomes: 11thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 19thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 22ndLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 22ndLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 23rdLargest Agricultural Sector: 39thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 49thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 62ndMost Advanced Defense Forces: 111thHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 169thMost Patriotic: 187thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 223rdMost Corrupt Governments: 228thLargest Governments: 237thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 259thMost Avoided: 300thMost Advanced Public Transport: 334thMost Efficient Economies: 367thFattest Citizens: 401stMost Subsidized Industry: 425thLowest Crime Rates: 508thLargest Retail Industry: 1,464thLargest Populations: 1,513thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 1,691stMost Scientifically Advanced: 2,126thHighest Average Tax Rates: 2,348thTop
5%
Most Stationary: 5,029thLargest Information Technology Sector: 5,080thLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 5,356thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 7,123rdHighest Poor Incomes: 7,215thRudest Citizens: 7,300thTop
10%
Smartest Citizens: 17,465thMost Advanced Public Education: 18,581stMost Devout: 18,888thLargest Publishing Industry: 19,172ndMost World Assembly Endorsements: 20,279thMost Influential: 20,945thMost Conservative: 23,134thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 33,922nd
Top
1%
Largest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 1st in the regionHighest Economic Output: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 1st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Black Market: 1st in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 2nd in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 3rd in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 4th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 6th in the regionLargest Governments: 7th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 8th in the regionMost Patriotic: 8th in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 9th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 10th in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 11th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 12th in the regionMost Avoided: 14th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 16th in the regionFattest Citizens: 21st in the regionLargest Populations: 34th in the regionMost Stationary: 38th in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 43rd in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 46th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 49th in the regionTop
5%
Most Scientifically Advanced: 62nd in the regionLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 65th in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 114th in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 117th in the regionRudest Citizens: 138th in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 157th in the regionTop
10%
Greatest Rich-Poor Divides: 284th in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 327th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 353rd in the regionMost Conservative: 362nd in the regionLargest Publishing Industry: 418th in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 482nd in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Clench was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Greatest Rich-Poor Divides.
  • : Clench was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Zombified.
  • : Clench was ravaged by a Zombie Thing Horde from The Zombie Kittenz Eat Ur Brains of Deadcatistan, infecting 46 million survivors.
  • : Clench was ravaged by a Zombie Burster Horde from Carnagetopia, infecting 87 million survivors.
  • : Clench was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Most Zombies and Most Dead and the Top 5% for Most Survivors.
  • : Clench was ravaged by a Zombie Shrieker Horde from The United Imperial States of Neo Imperial America, infecting 111 million survivors and converting to a zombie exporter! Oh no!
  • : Clench was ravaged by a Zombie Burster Horde from Jefria, infecting 1 million survivors.
  • : Clench was cleansed by a Level 2 Specialist Tactical Zombie Elimination Squad from The The Altoic dependency of Demeneconlos, killing 19 million zombies.
  • : Clench was cleansed by a Level 1 Strike Force Tactical Zombie Elimination Squad from Beullah, killing 1 million zombies.
  • : Clench was ravaged by a Zombie Runner Horde from The Rogue Nation of Children of Fallen Nation, infecting 48 million survivors.

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