by Max Barry

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The Hellish Realm of Clutch2

“All Hail The Almighty Clutch Or Else!” The Almighty Clutch

Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights:
Unheard Of
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Rare

Regional Influence: Power

Location: Lake golumania

OverviewPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Clutch2

Population45.276 billion

CapitalClutchington
LeaderThe Almighty Clutch
Faiththe worship of Almighty Clutch

Currencytestical
Animalland pirranah

The Hellish Realm of Clutch2 is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by The Almighty Clutch with an iron fist, and notable for its fear of technology, parental licensing program, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 45.276 billion Clutchans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Clutchington. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Clutch2ian economy, worth an astonishing 22,534 trillion testicals a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Uranium Mining industry, with significant contributions from Woodchip Exports, Automobile Manufacturing, and Retail. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an amazing 497,714 testicals, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 3,100,287 per year while the poor average 34,171, a ratio of 90.7 to 1.

Senior citizens can usually be found doing heavy manual labour, sick days are on the rise, the nation's soldiers sleep four to a bed in order to use space economically, and it is illegal to make racist remarks in public. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force. Clutch2's national animal is the land pirranah, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is the worship of Almighty Clutch.

Clutch2 is ranked 59,194th in the world and 2nd in Lake golumania for Most Stationary, with 773.2874912068 days.

Top
1%
Largest Insurance Industry: 47thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 69thLargest Mining Sector: 73rdMost Corrupt Governments: 89thHighest Economic Output: 90thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 99thMost Avoided: 101stLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 103rdHighest Disposable Incomes: 118thMost Ignorant Citizens: 126thFattest Citizens: 151stHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 176thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 197thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 201stMost Primitive: 201stLargest Populations: 227thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 229thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 327thHighest Average Incomes: 462ndLargest Agricultural Sector: 500thLowest Crime Rates: 754thLowest Overall Tax Burden: 776thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 782ndLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 928thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 1,009thMost Patriotic: 1,248thLargest Retail Industry: 1,281stRudest Citizens: 1,294thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 1,337thLargest Governments: 1,642ndLargest Soda Pop Sector: 1,972ndTop
5%
Most Efficient Economies: 3,099thLargest Black Market: 3,747thMost Armed: 4,975thMost Secular: 5,864thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 8,409thMost Conservative: 11,006thTop
10%
Most Valuable International Artwork: 15,811thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 16,854thMost Subsidized Industry: 20,502ndGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 25,220thMost Influential: 27,051st

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in Clutch2, it is illegal to make racist remarks in public.
  • : Following new legislation in Clutch2, the nation's soldiers sleep four to a bed in order to use space economically.
  • : Following new legislation in Clutch2, sick days are on the rise.
  • : Following new legislation in Clutch2, senior citizens can usually be found doing heavy manual labour.
  • : Clutch2 was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Secular.
  • : Following new legislation in Clutch2, believers must practice religion behind church doors lest the government smite them with a mighty fine.
  • : Following new legislation in Clutch2, bus shelters seem to be designed to let rain in.
  • : Following new legislation in Clutch2, sprinters achieve their personal bests only when the Olympic Team recruiters come calling.
  • : Following new legislation in Clutch2, the importance of winning Olympic gold medals is indoctrinated from an early age.
  • : Following new legislation in Clutch2, lottery winners spend most of their money on security.

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