The City of Coquitlam is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Richard Stewart with an even hand, and renowned for its keen interest in outer space, complete absence of social welfare, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 4.668 billion Coquitlamians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized, corrupt government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order, Industry, and Administration also on the agenda, while International Aid and Environment aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Lafarge Lake. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 44.7%.

The all-consuming Coquitlamian economy, worth 487 trillion currencies a year, is quite specialized and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Automobile Manufacturing. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 104,480 currencies, with the richest citizens earning 5.7 times as much as the poorest.

Classes are regularly interrupted by drunken children, meetings are often scheduled for "about four-ish" following complete conversion to sundials, every new toxic waste dump comes with a seal of approval from the government's science advisor, and the populace has developed a mortal fear of the woods. Crime is relatively low, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Coquitlam's national animal is the raccoon, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Lafarge Lakeism.

Coquitlam is ranked 298,384^th in the world and 9^th in big for Most Patriotic, with 0.81 flags saluted per person per day.