by Max Barry

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Spotlight on:

National Flag

The Armed Republic of Crazed monkies

“Vote monkey, get monkey”

Category: Democratic Socialists
Civil Rights:
Very Good
Political Freedoms:

Regional Influence: Sprat

Location: the South Pacific


Crazed monkies

Population32.879 billion

CapitalMonkey Mountain
LeaderBingo from the Banana Splits

CurrencyDamn dirty ape

The Armed Republic of Crazed monkies is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Bingo from the Banana Splits with an even hand, and renowned for its soft-spoken computers, smutty television, and compulsory military service. The hard-nosed, democratic, humorless population of 32.879 billion Crazed monkiesians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The medium-sized, corrupt, socially-minded government prioritizes Education, although Environment, Healthcare, and Administration are also considered important, while Welfare and Defense receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Monkey Mountain. The average income tax rate is 98.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Crazed monkiesian economy, worth an astonishing 11,935 trillion Damn dirty apes a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, fairly diversified black market in Information Technology, Tourism, Book Publishing, and Furniture Restoration. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 363,006 Damn dirty apes, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Dentists routinely perform open heart surgery, the tenet of free speech is held dear, the Ministry of Health has reported a sharp increase in the incidence of delayed menopause, and tuba players are paid to quietly whisper into their instruments. Crime is totally unknown. Crazed monkies's national animal is the Human, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Crazed monkies is ranked 312th in the world and 7th in the South Pacific for Largest Furniture Restoration Industry, scoring 17,684.54 on the Spitz-Pollish Productivity Index.

Most Beautiful Environments: 9thBest Weather: 14thMost Developed: 19thLongest Average Lifespans: 24thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 47thSmartest Citizens: 57thHealthiest Citizens: 88thMost Secular: 125thMost Advanced Public Education: 172ndLargest Black Market: 221stHighest Poor Incomes: 227thHighest Economic Output: 230thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 258thHighest Workforce Participation Rate: 285thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 312thMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 333rdRudest Citizens: 376thMost Stationary: 470thLargest Information Technology Sector: 607thLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 636thMost Inclusive: 728thHighest Average Incomes: 823rdLargest Populations: 1,027thLargest Publishing Industry: 1,048thLargest Governments: 1,072ndHighest Average Tax Rates: 1,409thMost Efficient Economies: 1,514thMost Scientifically Advanced: 1,544thTop
Largest Trout Fishing Sector: 2,585thMost Subsidized Industry: 3,798thLowest Crime Rates: 4,150thMost Advanced Public Transport: 6,536thSafest: 7,495thMost Rebellious Youth: 8,395thTop
Highest Wealthy Incomes: 8,568thMost Influential: 9,385thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 10,533rdNudest: 14,100thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 14,850th
Most Beautiful Environments: 1st in the regionSmartest Citizens: 1st in the regionHighest Economic Output: 2nd in the regionBest Weather: 2nd in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 2nd in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 2nd in the regionMost Developed: 2nd in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 3rd in the regionMost Stationary: 5th in the regionLargest Black Market: 5th in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 5th in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 5th in the regionMost Secular: 7th in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 7th in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 7th in the regionLargest Populations: 9th in the regionHighest Workforce Participation Rate: 9th in the regionMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 9th in the regionRudest Citizens: 11th in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 14th in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 15th in the regionLargest Publishing Industry: 16th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 22nd in the regionLargest Governments: 24th in the regionMost Inclusive: 28th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 30th in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 32nd in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 52nd in the regionTop
Most Subsidized Industry: 81st in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 116th in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 129th in the regionLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 189th in the regionMost Rebellious Youth: 192nd in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 211th in the regionSafest: 254th in the regionNudest: 328th in the regionTop
Most Advanced Law Enforcement: 361st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 460th in the regionMost Influential: 608th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in Crazed monkies, tuba players are paid to quietly whisper into their instruments.
  • : Following new legislation in Crazed monkies, the Ministry of Health has reported a sharp increase in the incidence of delayed menopause.
  • : Following new legislation in Crazed monkies, the tenet of free speech is held dear.
  • : Following new legislation in Crazed monkies, dentists routinely perform open heart surgery.
  • : Following new legislation in Crazed monkies, Crazed monkies's free colleges struggle to maintain standards in the face of overwhelming demand.
  • : Following new legislation in Crazed monkies, it is illegal to distribute Girl Guide Cookies without an advanced food hygiene diploma.
  • : Following new legislation in Crazed monkies, doctors prescribe medicines but they rarely dispense hope or compassion.
  • : Following new legislation in Crazed monkies, homes have been banned from having any more than one wheel.
  • : Crazed monkies was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Rebellious Youth.
  • : Following new legislation in Crazed monkies, the government's giant servers are often used as a tourist trap.


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