by Max Barry

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The Despotic Dictatorship of Despoticania

“God was a dream of good government.” The Despot

Category: Corrupt Dictatorship
Civil Rights:
Some
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Outlawed

Regional Influence: Dealmaker

Location: The Alliance of Dictators

OverviewFactbookDispatchesPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Despoticania

Population35.287 billion

CapitalDespoticania Prime
LeaderThe Despot
FaithChurch of Transcendental Hatred

CurrencyDespollar
AnimalWinged Unicorn Pig

The Despotic Dictatorship of Despoticania is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by The Despot with an iron fist, and remarkable for its ubiquitous missile silos, free-roaming dinosaurs, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 35.287 billion Despoticanians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The relatively small, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Despoticania Prime. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Despoticanian economy, worth an astonishing 40,932 trillion Despollars a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, Retail, and Book Publishing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 1,159,996 Despollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Policemen regularly conduct midnight raids on closed donut shops to 'collect evidence', holidaymakers sleep curled up on the floor as hotel beds are replaced with oversized bookcases, there's sophisticated talk of revolution within the ever-expanding mining colonies, and phone taps are frequently carried out by the police. Crime is totally unknown. Despoticania's national animal is the Winged Unicorn Pig, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Church of Transcendental Hatred.

Despoticania is ranked 13th in the world and 2nd in The Alliance of Dictators for Largest Furniture Restoration Industry, scoring 41,077.73 on the Spitz-Pollish Productivity Index.

Top
1%
Highest Poor Incomes: 1stLargest Information Technology Sector: 2ndLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 2ndLargest Black Market: 3rdMost Scientifically Advanced: 3rdSmartest Citizens: 4thHighest Average Incomes: 4thHighest Economic Output: 6thMost Advanced Public Education: 8thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 10thMost Efficient Economies: 12thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 13thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 18thMost Patriotic: 22ndMost Subsidized Industry: 24thMost Secular: 34thMost Cultured: 40thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 44thLargest Agricultural Sector: 50thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 71stLargest Governments: 93rdMost Corrupt Governments: 105thMost Developed: 126thLongest Average Lifespans: 138thLowest Crime Rates: 170thMost Armed: 173rdMost Advanced Defense Forces: 199thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 221stLargest Retail Industry: 248thLargest Mining Sector: 256thMost Stationary: 333rdHighest Average Tax Rates: 342ndLargest Publishing Industry: 375thHighest Food Quality: 377thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 528thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 584thHealthiest Citizens: 1,009thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 1,043rdHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1,624thLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 1,650thLargest Populations: 1,818thTop
5%
Most Advanced Public Transport: 2,907thMost Influential: 3,186thLargest Welfare Programs: 5,886thRudest Citizens: 8,001stMost Income Equality: 9,731stMost Rebellious Youth: 10,054thMost Valuable International Artwork: 10,169thMost Authoritarian: 10,388thMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 12,035thTop
10%
Most World Assembly Endorsements: 18,077th
Top
1%
Largest Information Technology Sector: 1st in the regionHighest Food Quality: 1st in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 1st in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 1st in the regionLargest Black Market: 1st in the regionSmartest Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionLargest Publishing Industry: 1st in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 1st in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 1st in the regionMost Patriotic: 1st in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 1st in the regionMost Stationary: 1st in the regionHighest Economic Output: 1st in the regionMost Cultured: 1st in the regionMost Income Equality: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 1st in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 1st in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 1st in the regionMost Developed: 1st in the regionTop
5%
Largest Populations: 2nd in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Influential: 2nd in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 2nd in the regionLargest Governments: 2nd in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 2nd in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 2nd in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 2nd in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 3rd in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 3rd in the regionLargest Welfare Programs: 4th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 4th in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 4th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 4th in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 4th in the regionLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 5th in the regionTop
10%
Most Rebellious Youth: 8th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in Despoticania, phone taps are frequently carried out by the police.
  • : Following new legislation in Despoticania, there's sophisticated talk of revolution within the ever-expanding mining colonies.
  • : Following new legislation in Despoticania, holidaymakers sleep curled up on the floor as hotel beds are replaced with oversized bookcases.
  • : Following new legislation in Despoticania, policemen regularly conduct midnight raids on closed donut shops to 'collect evidence'.
  • : Following new legislation in Despoticania, running away is an essential part of the elite forces' hand-to-hand training.
  • : Following new legislation in Despoticania, the nation's leader is normally just referred to as "snuggle-wuggle-huggy-bear".
  • : Following new legislation in Despoticania, Big Brother is still watching even when your big brother is dead.
  • : Following new legislation in Despoticania, Despoticania's Medieval Faire is renowned as one of the best in the region.
  • : Following new legislation in Despoticania, the government extracts trade concessions from poor nations in exchange for humanitarian aid.
  • : Following new legislation in Despoticania, requests to "pass the salt" are supported by tank divisions.

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