by Max Barry

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The Benevolent Queendom of Divine Cervine

“Where the deer’s swift leap startles the wild bee”

Category: Democratic Socialists
Civil Rights:
Average
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Good

Regional Influence: Shoeshiner

Location: Lazarus

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1

The Benevolent Queendom of Divine Cervine History - 2018 May - June

The Benevolent Queendom of Divine Cervine History
2018

May - June

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May 2nd, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 6,959th in the world and 337th in Lazarus for Highest Economic Output, with 1,558 trillion Standard Monetary Units.
    • The nation has an international reputation for compassion. #0036
    • Cotton candy made from genuine cotton cellulose doesn't quite satisfy. #0811
    • The government has solemnly sworn not to look up other nations' internet browsing history if the favor is returned. #0650
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May 3rd, 2018

    • It is illegal to distribute Girl Guide Cookies without an advanced food hygiene diploma. #0705
    • Pandemics are over and done with by the time it takes to pass the nation's stringent border security. #0950
    • A vast monorail network carries people all over the country. #0083

May 4th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 44th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Popular Tourist Destinations, with 4,908.71 Tourists Per Hour.
    • The government awards prizes to television shows featuring stereotype-breaking minority roles. #0029
    • The banshee wail foretells skies of death. #0974
    • People seem disproportionately distraught when told a museum has a phones-off policy. #0582
    • Scoutmasters debate whether luxury log cabins defeat the purpose of camping. #0661
    • Students memorise knock-knock jokes for their mandatory twice-a-term Comedy Examinations. #0522

May 5th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 35th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Advanced Public Education, scoring 44,596.06 on the Edu-tellignceฎ Test Score.
    • Artists are pillars of society. #0124
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May 7th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 209th in the world and 4th in Lazarus for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 92.45 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.
    • Sections of the police receive paramilitary training. #0455
    • Retirement homes are often fitted with luxurious suites. #0122
    • Mantis shrimp studies is academia's fastest-growing field. #0373
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May 8th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 54th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Longest Average Lifespans, with 97.87 Years.
    • Foreign policy is to avoid standing up to bullies. #0981
    • There is a dearth of space for new houses. #0331
    • Grumbling early morning commuters bemoan having to travel to work in the dark. #0821
    • the horniness of the great-horned purple fairy deer is considered a national priority. #0986
    • There's never enough space in space. #0754

May 9th, 2018

    • Almost all of the nation's water is piped into the country from abroad for exorbitant prices. #0264
    • Workers have seized control of the economy. #0339
    • Rare art has become a significant factor in negotiating all foreign trade agreements. #0492

May 11th, 2018

    • The Divine Cervinean Intelligence Agency relies on internet search engines to know what is happening overseas. #0653
    • In this vegetarian nation the delicious smell of roasted meat is oddly commonplace. #0625
    • The government is giving peace a chance. #0312
    • Relations with Dเgu๓ have warmed from frosty to chilly. #0610
    • The latest Harry Potter book is a bestseller. #0003

May 12th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 58th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Beautiful Environments, with 9,130.07 Pounds Of Wildlife Per Square Mile.
    • All the playground's a stage for Divine Cervinean schoolchildren. #0984
    • Politicians have seen a significant reduction in followers on their social media accounts. #0992
    • Employers are finding it hard to screen candidates now that everyone gets A grades in their exams. #0830
    • Only adults may purchase violent video games. #0188
    • The government seeks peaceful forum with terrorists. #0222
    • Unpackaged foodstuffs rot on store shelves. #0667

May 14th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 26th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Compassionate Citizens, scoring 247.92 on the Kitten Softness Rating.
    • It is believed that belligerence is a passing phase foreign leaders will soon outgrow. #0813
    • Genetic research is temporarily tied up in government red tape. #0033
    • Authorities are looking for a stool pigeon to rat out who is stealing food from pigeon toilets. #0758
    • Badminton was recently banned due to 'unacceptable violence' inherent to the game. #0239
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May 16th, 2018

    • Busy commuters no longer hear the cries of "I want some more!" on the nation's streets. #0785
    • A suspicious number of male students have joined the Ladies' Wrestling League. #0750
    • Queen Arbeaone's luxurious new home has been designated as a protected cultural heritage site. #0600
    • The nation grinds to a halt for afternoon tea. #0768
    • 10-year-olds who struggle with integrating by parts are considered slow learners. #0892
    • Companies struggle to cover for the hordes of employees on parental leave. #0304

May 17th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 136th in the world and 3rd in Lazarus for Safest, scoring 202.43 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.
    • Park rangers struggle to deal with a rash of stolen pic-a-nic baskets. #0557
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May 18th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 241st in the world and 6th in Lazarus for Highest Workforce Participation Rate, with 96.86 Workforce Participation Rate.
    • One tree's worth of paperwork accompanies each imported log of timber. #0937
    • Research grant proposals read like political diatribes. #0523
    • Queen Arbeaone's office has a newly installed Max-Man arcade game programmed by a 5th-grader. #0683
    • UFO sightings are listed daily in the morning news. #0081
    • The Fashion Channel can only be viewed on widescreen TVs. #0887
    • The experimental sculpture "Overtures In Dried Purple Fairy Deer Dung" has been declared a national treasure. #0856

May 19th, 2018

    • It is against the rules of boxing to hit above or below the belt. #0925

May 20th, 2018

    • The Benevolent Queendom of Divine Cervine was founded on this day in the year 2015.
    • Ten-year-olds are applying for lemonade stand operator licences. #0772
    • The government has been criticized for giving away Divine Cervine's territory to anyone who claims it. #0980 dismiss
    • Ice-filled coffins are ominously positioned in the corner of every hospital ward. #0728
    • Hidden bedroom-cams are installed to catch mothers doing their kids' homework. #0910
    • Droves of former desperados are applying to join the border police. #0321
    • The seventh son of a seventh son is fated to be a millionaire. #0995

May 21st, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 126th in the world and 4th in Lazarus for Most Extensive Public Healthcare, scoring 20,875.77 on the Theresa-Nightingale Rating.
    • All beauty contests have been banned. #0101
    • Queen Arbeaone has more friends than ever before. #0602
    • Cogitators and mass debaters are skiving off work to hang around the National Symposium Park. #0803
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May 22nd, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 36th in the world and 2nd in Lazarus for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 37,581.82 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.
    • A blood-red mark on the doorframe means a building must be passed over for destruction. #0934
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May 23rd, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 135th in the world and 3rd in Lazarus for Safest, scoring 202.82 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.
    • The WhoTube comments section has gone strangely quiet. #0636
    • Tourists outnumber citizens two to one. #0292
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May 24th, 2018

    • Women have a strange proclivity for dressing up as caped weasels. #0838
    • The nation has welcomed its expats back with open arms. #0226
    • Animal liberationists receive government funding to break into animal research labs. #0502
    • Thomas the Spank Engine is the most popular and controversial children's show in the nation. #0516

May 25th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 106th in the world and 3rd in Lazarus for Lowest Crime Rates, with 237.62 Law-abiding Acts Per Hour.
    • Census workers struggle to account for the rapidly increasing number of citizens to tabulate. #0491
    • Multiple births are a cause of celebration for tax collectors. #0990 DISMISS lowers Income Equality 99.37 → 98.85 -0.52%
    • Judicial robes are the country's hottest fashion trend. #0765
    • The nation has nearly as many history museums as Divine Deerlings. #0637
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May 26th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 390th in the world and 13th in Lazarus for Highest Poor Incomes, with 243,952.86 Standard Monetary Units.
    • Consumption of cat memes has skyrocketed. #0353
    • Earthquake sirens are a leading cause of hearing loss. #0672
    • Elderly citizens regularly buy posh multimillion-ค luminous orb mansions. #0127
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May 27th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 581st in the world and 18th in Lazarus for Most Subsidized Industry, scoring 15,684.24 on the Gilded Widget Scale.
    • Scientists earn more grant money for reproducing old experiments than trying anything new. #0999
    • Calling dibs is an unalienable right. #0719
    • Listless juries are assembled for the simplest of court cases. #0410
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights rose from Very Good to Excellent.
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May 28th, 2018

    • Anti-government political posters adorn every building like wallpaper. #207
    • The national policy allowing Public Protest has been reinstalled. The right to public protest is considered to be essential.

May 29th, 2018

    • Divine Cervine's free colleges struggle to maintain standards in the face of overwhelming demand. #0093
    • Carbon-footprint restrictions are making businesses walk. #0675
    • Supervisors in Divine Cervine commonly tie bells on their necks to alert employees of their presence. #0732
    • Divine Cervine was reclassified from Liberal Democratic Socialists to a Left-wing Utopia.
    • Psychiatrists bizarrely accompany Queen Arbeaone to meetings with foreign heads of state. #0915
    • The nation's industries are scrambling to switch to biodegradable plastics. #0261
    • Pro-democracy regime change has been avoided. #0359

May 30th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 27th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Advanced Public Education, scoring 45,509.66 on the Edu-tellignceฎ Test Score.
    • Where there's a will there is usually a password manager. #0926
    • People faint regularly as they get stuck with compulsory vaccinations. #0092
    • Divine Cervine was reclassified from a Left-wing Utopia to Liberal Democratic Socialists.
    • Children are brainwashed at a young age to accept "love and peace!" as a way of life. #0190
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June 1st, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 135th in the world and 4th in Lazarus for Safest, scoring 203.6 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.
    • There's a literal nanny state for the legions of children taken by social services. #0739
    • Terrorists are on a first name basis with the officials that stamp their passports. #0670
    • Glamping Divine Deerlings won't sleep in a tent that doesn't include a Jacuzzi. #0706
    • Super Barry Brothers is the most popular video game in the nation. #0485
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June 3rd, 2018

    • Park rangers perform full-body searches on suspected fungus smugglers. #0749
    • There are six more weeks of winter if a northerner sees her shadow. #0733
    • There's a shortage of swinging hot spots as land development grinds to a halt. #0138
    • The phrase 'spreading like wildfire' is no longer in the public lexicon. #0628
    • Drones are unable to lift the weight of their accompanying paperwork. #0849

June 5th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 25,990th in the world and 524th in Lazarus for Most Extreme, scoring 30.72 on the Paul-Nader Subjective Decentrality Index.
    • Where there's smoke there's the Divine Cervinean Forestry Department. #0816 decreases Health 51.33 → 51.24 -0.18%
    • Students are known to arrive at school in their pyjamas. #0121
    • Serial commas clarify the relationship between one's lackeys, the taxpayers, and kinsfolk. #0721
    • Explicit slash fiction is repackaged for kindergarten kids as stories about friends cuddling friends. #0880
    • Bins outnumber trees in city parks. #1007

June 6th, 2018

    • Children gain their first sex education from reading the dictionary. #1008 try option 3, 2 lowers Income Equality 99.16 → 98.53 -0.64%
    • Birth rates have hit an all-time low. #0364
    • The government funds large training centres to turn purple fairy deer into functioning members of society. #0133
    • A government program is underway to revitalize Divine Cervine's beaches. #0031

June 7th, 2018

    • Suburban backyards are seized by the government and turned into national parks. #0457

June 8th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 80th in the world and 3rd in Lazarus for Highest Average Tax Rates, with 106.68 Effective Tax Rate.
    • The new national campaign exhorts men to "Show Some Class - Don't Sit On Your Ass". #1009
    • The government spends millions of ค luminous orbs every year prosecuting spammers. #0094
    • In a baffling press conference Queen Arbeaone proudly dismantled a broken door. #0503
    • Police officers that upset their bosses get assigned to 24 hour stakeouts of bike sheds. #0907
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June 9th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 6,654th in the world and 313th in Lazarus for Highest Economic Output, with 1,639 trillion Standard Monetary Units.
    • The new national mascot has to be wheeled onto the field of play. #0385
    • Cub scouts are being asked to hand in their woggles as the state withdraws funding for scouting. #0642
    • Young children are learning advanced physics to scientifically disprove the existence of Santa Claus. #0556
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June 10th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 80th in the world and 3rd in Lazarus for Highest Average Tax Rates, with 106.7 Effective Tax Rate.
    • Youth call each other types of vegetables in lieu of government-banned racial insults. #0767
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Excellent to Very Good.
    • The nation's leading climatologists are investigating animal flatulence in efforts to reduce methane emissions. #0495
    • Drug deals return to the streets as legions of undercover officers stalk the dark web. #0902
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June 11th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 60th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Best Weather, with 1,737 Meters Of Sunlight.
    • Groups of government workers are declared protected tribes if they venture too deep into the Capitol. #0490
    • Nude art is becoming wildly popular. #0052
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights rose from Very Good to Excellent.
    • Busy commuters no longer hear the cries of "I want some more!" on the nation's streets. #0785
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June 13th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 1,169th in the world and 53rd in Lazarus for Most Advanced Public Transport, scoring 8,820.35 on the Societal Mobility Rating.
    • The government is promoting multicultural values with the new 'Just Be Nice, OK?' initiative. #0262
    • Libraries are now installed with jacuzzis and mini-bars. #0099
    • The government officially wants you to slow down and speak more clearly. #0644
    • Children as young as six shock their parents by coming out of the closet. #0365
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June 15th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 6,585th in the world and 238th in Lazarus for Most Secular, with 96.44 Atheism Rate.
    • Military funding has been stripped back. #0014
    • Refugees from other nations are flocking to Divine Cervine's border. #0047
    • The nation is currently revamping its entire education system. #0064
    • Drills and shovels have been banned as the government cracks down on any means of fracking. #0449
    • The Museum of Soybeans is the cultural heart of the nation. #0581
    • An endless multinational bureaucracy connects the Red Bloc. #0577

June 16th, 2018

    • The police are tightening their grip on alcohol smugglers. #0185
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Excellent to Very Good.
    • Funerals are often rudely interrupted by juggling clowns shouting for volunteers from the audience. #0583
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights rose from Very Good to Excellent.
    • Urban graffiti is hand-calligraphed in perfectly kerned elegant fonts. #0579

June 17th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 9,696th in the world and 205th in Lazarus for Most Stationary, with 1,124.70761352 Days.
    • Small children are learning a lot of new words from a teacher with Tourette Syndrome. #1012
    • Any citizen who cries is immediately assigned a psychiatrist. #0394
    • The nation's diplomats shake hands with those whose hands are drenched in the blood of innocents. #0807
    • Spoiler warnings are now given out before political speeches. #0540
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June 18th, 2018


June 20th, 2018

    • Purple fairy deer have more rights than the average citizen. #0060
    • Flu research is commonly shut down for fear of creating a superbug. #0708
    • 3D printed organs are a breath of new life for the sick and elderly. #0850
    • Advertisements for jobs in the sciences run in fashion magazines. #0548
    • Orphans would rather live their life of luxury than be adopted by prospective parents. #0638
    • One does not simply walk into the tundra. #1013
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Excellent to Very Good.

June 22nd, 2018

    • The nation has welcomed its expats back with open arms. #0226
    • Sex changes are routinely performed at Divine Cervine's hospitals. #0066
    • Fashion magazine covers finally display realistic body images following photo-manipulation becoming illegal. #0613

June 23rd, 2018

    • Children are raised bilingual from an early age. #0071
    • Builders across Divine Cervine are blocked up with orders for new public loos. #0525
    • Several underground organisations in Divine Cervine have recently been spreading discontent throughout the populace about not being able to vote. #0177 dismissed
    • Students are wary of colorfully decorated new teachers with names like Professor Pipsqueak. #0276

June 24th, 2018

    • While effusively praising Divine Cervine’s leadership and bowing repeatedly, a delegation has humbly requested that the government take a more “modernistic” view in the future. #0011 dismissed
    • Community-designed sword prostheses are becoming dangerously common. #0709
    • Internet moderator is one of the most popular jobs among the nation's more socially awkward citizens. #0875
    • The wearing and manufacture of fur apparel is banned. #0145
    • No one is quite sure what many government officials look like. #0852

June 26th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 6,393rd in the world and 232nd in Lazarus for Most Secular, with 96.44 Atheism Rate.
    • Prime real estate is devoted to wind farms and solar energy generators. #0069
    • Sections of the police receive paramilitary training. #0455
    • Popular cartoon characters frequently appear in government-sponsored PSAs reminding students to say no to drugs. #0565
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June 27th, 2018

    • The justice of Divine Cervine is considered superior to that of other nations. #1015
    • The endangered saltwater humpback purple fairy deer is only seen in captivity programs. #0547
    • Noises louder than a whisper have been prohibited by law. #0338
    • High school boys are required to pass vigorous self-mastery and sensitivity training to graduate. #0504
    • Children crying over dropped ice creams are offered high doses of experimental antidepressants. #0576
    • The Divine Cervinean Babysitters Club has proven to be a huge relief to stressed-out parents across the nation. #0448
    • Invasive drug testing is now performed at elementary school sports days. #0493

June 28th, 2018

    • The amount welfare recipients spend on fertilizer has exploded. #0720

June 29th, 2018

    • Divine Cervine's Medieval Faire is renowned as one of the best in the region. #0061

June 30th, 2018


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