by Max Barry

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The Benevolent Queendom of Divine Cervine

“Where the deer’s swift leap startles the wild bee”

Category: Democratic Socialists
Civil Rights:
Average
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Good

Regional Influence: Shoeshiner

Location: Lazarus

OverviewFactbookPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

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The Benevolent Queendom of Divine Cervine History - 2018 November - December

The Benevolent Queendom of Divine Cervine History
2018

November - December

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November 1st, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 175th in the world and 4th in Lazarus for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 93.82 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.
    • The WhoTube comments section has gone strangely quiet. #636
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Good to Average.
    • Sex changes are routinely performed at Divine Cervine's hospitals. #66
    • One tree's worth of paperwork accompanies each imported log of timber. #937
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November 2nd, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 45th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Best Weather, with 1,964 Meters Of Sunlight.
    • Small children are learning a lot of new words from a teacher with Tourette Syndrome. #1012
    • Radio shows frequently feature people denouncing religion. #219
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights rose from Average to Good.
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November 3rd, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 102nd in the world and 3rd in Lazarus for Safest, scoring 212.8 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.
    • Refugees from other nations are flocking to Divine Cervine's border. #47
    • Hypochondriacs demand treatment for genetic disorders they don't have. #1092
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights rose from Good to Very Good.
    • Prolonged government investigations are a common revenge tactic among spurned spouses. #836
    • Knitters are arrested for carrying needles in their bags. #1098
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Very Good to Good.
    • Birth rates have hit an all-time low. #364

November 4th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 280th in the world and 5th in Lazarus for Smartest Citizens, with 289.19 Quips Per Hour.
    • The government is promoting multicultural values with the new 'Just Be Nice, OK?' initiative. #262
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November 5th, 2018

    • Conspiracy theorists allege that the government is spying on them through their carbon monoxide detectors. #834

November 6th, 2018

    • A suspicious number of male students have joined the Ladies' Wrestling League. #750
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights rose from Good to Very Good.
    • The government mails weekly updates on the new anti-junk mail laws to every citizen. #1093
    • All citizens must pass a 'multicultural sensitivity test' to be deemed fit for society. #245
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Very Good to Good.
    • The nation locks people up and tells them they're mad for compassion's sake. #1037

November 7th, 2018

    • Divine Cervine's Medieval Faire is renowned as one of the best in the region. #61
    • The Fashion Channel can only be viewed on widescreen TVs. #887

November 8th, 2018

    • Farting etiquette is taught in schools. #946
    • The government sends submarines to retrieve bodies from shipwrecked submarines. #1029

November 9th, 2018

    • All the playground's a stage for Divine Cervinean schoolchildren. #984

November 10th, 2018

    • Pushy mums tell their kids to be doctors and engineers but steer them away from being penniless lawyers. #601
    • Stuttering trypanophobes are doomed never to marry. #943

November 11th, 2018

    • The experimental sculpture "Overtures In Dried Purple Fairy Deer Dung" has been declared a national treasure. #856
    • There are no more heroes any more. #935
    • The government recently donated a surfboard to an impoverished family in a landlocked region. #908
    • Cogitators and mass debaters are skiving off work to hang around the National Symposium Park. #803

November 12th, 2018

    • Any citizen who cries is immediately assigned a psychiatrist. #394
    • Libraries are now installed with jacuzzis and mini-bars. #99
    • Body doubles and armed bodyguards escort witnesses to and from courtrooms. #873

November 13th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 131st in the world and 3rd in Lazarus for Largest Governments, scoring 89.75 on the Bureaucratic Comprehensiveness Rating Scale Index.
    • Tax-payers are funding ever more extravagant movie projects. #440
    • A popular saying is "a chicken for every pot and an abortion clinic on every street". #983
    • The government's giant servers are often used as a tourist trap. #1100
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November 14th, 2018

    • The nation's industries are scrambling to switch to biodegradable plastics. #261
    • RPG fans reminisce fondly about when people thought they were evil and dangerous rather than geeky and socially inept. #624
    • Where there's a will there is usually a password manager. #926
    • Judicial robes are the country's hottest fashion trend. #765

November 15th, 2018

    • Organ donation is compulsory. #26
    • Bemused citizens are encouraged to sing foreign-language hymns of religions they have never heard of. #632
    • The sound of wooden legs echo throughout Divine Cervine after the recent introduction of the Foot Tax. #135

November 16th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 267th in the world and 5th in Lazarus for Most Cultured, scoring 487 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.
    • Sections of the police receive paramilitary training. #455
    • The government is continually probing the galaxy in search of alien life. #589
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November 17th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 21st in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Developed, scoring 99.61 on the Human Development Index.
    • Every workday begins with group therapy. #496
    • Serial commas clarify the relationship between one's lackeys, the taxpayers, and kinsfolk. #721
    • Films are funded in accordance with the volume of tears shed when reading the screenplay. #1090
    • If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it... Divine Cervinean satellites can detect it. #1099
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November 18th, 2018

    • Employers are finding it hard to screen candidates now that everyone gets A grades in their exams. #830
    • The reams of paperwork accompanying any electronic item are a recognised contributor to national deforestation. #890
    • Pro-democracy regime change has been avoided. #359

November 19th, 2018

    • Cub scouts are being asked to hand in their woggles as the state withdraws funding for scouting. #642

November 20th, 2018

    • Pandemics are over and done with by the time it takes to pass the nation's stringent border security. #950
    • Military funding has been stripped back. #14
    • Scientists earn more grant money for reproducing old experiments than trying anything new. #999
    • The new Refuse Hills housing development is under construction. #342
    • Psychiatrists bizarrely accompany Queen Arbeaone to meetings with foreign heads of state. #915

November 21st, 2018

    • Tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests. #23

November 23rd, 2018

    • Super Barry Brothers is the most popular video game in the nation. #485
    • The nation's youth would rather watch paint dry than the news. #776

November 24th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 31st in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 39,704.51 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.
    • The government seeks peaceful forum with terrorists. #222
    • Interest in globalism never flags. #1114
    • Therapists can always squeeze in another house-call. #1049
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November 25th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 5,341st in the world and 263rd in Lazarus for Highest Economic Output, with 2,033 trillion Standard Monetary Units.
    • Traumatised refugees have a full bedpan shoved into their hands along with their immigration papers. #1028
    • Queen Arbeaone's office has a newly installed Max-Man arcade game programmed by a 5th-grader. #683
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November 26th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 15,320th in the world and 775th in Lazarus for Most Scientifically Advanced, scoring 303.76 on the Kurzweil Singularity Index.
    • The most penniless demographics have by far the highest number of researchers per capita. #763 dismiss
    • The banshee wail foretells skies of death. #974
    • No one is quite sure what many government officials look like. #852
    • Some Divine Cervinean athletes have defected to Blackacre after being denied the chance to compete in international sporting events. #573
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November 27th, 2018

    • Children are raised bilingual from an early age. #71
    • The government officially wants you to slow down and speak more clearly. #644
    • Carbon-footprint restrictions are making businesses walk. #675

November 28th, 2018

    • Artists are pillars of society. #124
    • Eau de Trashcan has become a wildly popular perfume. #689
    • Grumbling early morning commuters bemoan having to travel to work in the dark. #821

November 29th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 15,406th in the world and 772nd in Lazarus for Most Scientifically Advanced, scoring 302.45 on the Kurzweil Singularity Index.
    • The nation's ambassadors often conduct their business in jail cells. #912
    • Noises louder than a whisper have been prohibited by law. #338
    • Foreign policy is to avoid standing up to bullies. #981
    • Children are disappointed to learn that cavemen never had a yabba-dabba-doo time riding dinosaurs to work. #1117
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December 1st, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 265th in the world and 6th in Lazarus for Most Cultured, scoring 491 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.
    • Ten-year-olds are applying for lemonade stand operator licences. #722
    • Newly synthesized elements' half-lives are a million times shorter than the time it takes to say their names. #798
    • Elementary school students are required to master Bach's Chaconne in D before graduation. #959
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December 2nd, 2018

    • Census workers struggle to account for the rapidly increasing number of citizens to tabulate. #491
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights rose from Good to Very Good.
    • Builders across Divine Cervine are blocked up with orders for new public loos. #525
    • It is believed that belligerence is a passing phase foreign leaders will soon outgrow. #813
    • Young children are learning advanced physics to scientifically disprove the existence of Santa Claus. #556

December 3rd, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 5,287th in the world and 259th in Lazarus for Highest Economic Output, with 2,047 trillion Standard Monetary Units.
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December 4th, 2018

    • Welfare funding has recently gone through the roof. #164
    • Rare art has become a significant factor in negotiating all foreign trade agreements. #492
    • Claims of miracles are met with calls to eradicate religion as superstitious nonsense. #1120
    • Military strategists are questioning the wisdom of subsidizing the economies of sworn enemies. #663

December 5th, 2018

    • Pretending to be prejudiced is a good way to get out of jury duty. #858
    • Mantis shrimp studies is academia's fastest-growing field. #373
    • Bins outnumber trees in city parks. #1007

December 7th, 2018

    • Ice-filled coffins are ominously positioned in the corner of every hospital ward. #728
    • In a baffling press conference Queen Arbeaone proudly dismantled a broken door. #503
    • All statues and paintings of dogs are being destroyed to avoid offending cat-lovers. #701

December 8th, 2018

    • Excessive wheelchair ramps on government buildings have been compared to theme park attractions. #659
    • Shelters struggle to keep up with the endless intake of stray animals. #431
    • Terrorists are on a first name basis with the officials that stamp their passports. #670
    • Busy commuters no longer hear the cries of "I want some more!" on the nation's streets. #785

December 9th, 2018

    • The nation's taxpayers pay for foreign government's extravagances. #677
    • The seventh son of a seventh son is fated to be a millionaire. #995
    • Maxtopian villagers starve by the time Divine Cervinean officials even file the appropriate paperwork needed to help them. #654

December 10th, 2018

    • One does not simply walk into the tundra. #1013
    • The wearing and manufacture of fur apparel is banned. #145
    • A vast monorail network carries people all over the country. #83
    • Arbitration is mightier than the sword. #131

December 11th, 2018

    • Drills and shovels have been banned as the government cracks down on any means of fracking. #449
    • The Museum of Soybeans is the cultural heart of the nation. #581

December 13th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 91st in the world and 2nd in Lazarus for Safest, scoring 215.87 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.
    • There's a shortage of swinging hot spots as land development grinds to a halt. #138
    • Prudishness is on the way out. #411
    • Posters on 'Divine Cervinean Values' advise against being proud of Divine Cervine. #1026
    • Drug deals return to the streets as legions of undercover officers stalk the dark web. #902
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December 14th, 2018

    • Droves of former desperados are applying to join the border police. #321
    • Calling dibs is an unalienable right. #719
    • High school boys are required to pass vigorous self-mastery and sensitivity training to graduate. #504

December 15th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 29th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Advanced Public Education, scoring 47,881.19 on the Edu-tellignceฎ Test Score.
    • Queen Arbeaone's luxurious new home has been designated as a protected cultural heritage site. #600
    • The nation has opened its arms to an influx of refugees. #35
    • It is against the rules of boxing to hit above or below the belt. #925
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December 16th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 636th in the world and 37th in Lazarus for Most Advanced Law Enforcement, scoring 16,921.04 on the Orwell Orderliness Index.
    • Elderly citizens regularly buy posh multimillion-ค luminous orb mansions. #127
    • The government has declared victoria over the cheese menace. #507
    • It is illegal to distribute Girl Guide Cookies without an advanced food hygiene diploma. #705
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December 17th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 40th in the world and 2nd in Lazarus for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring 11,515.71 on the Clooney Contribution Index.
    • Economic planning is exalted as a human art form. #472
    • Enchanted Wildwood has become the number one destination for urban exploration in Lazarus. #518
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December 19th, 2018

    • Children are brainwashed at a young age to accept "love and peace!" as a way of life. #190

December 20th, 2018

    • Fashion magazine covers finally display realistic body images following photo-manipulation becoming illegal. #613
    • Both diets and economic output are growing leaner with recent restrictions to free trade. #685

December 21st, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 8th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Inclusive, scoring 789.64 on the Mandela-Wollstonecraft Non-Discrimination Index.
    • The installation of street lights across remote goat tracks has left citizens bemused. #462
    • Children usually cry on their first day of school. #1128
    • Enemy navies sail within bombardment range of major coastal cities with impunity. #1062
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December 23rd, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 89th in the world and 5th in Lazarus for Most Extensive Public Healthcare, scoring 22,205.27 on the Theresa-Nightingale Rating.
    • Student athletes gaze forlornly at abandoned purple fairy deerball fields. #415
    • The volume of paperwork used to complete a single environmental assessment defeats the purpose. #1058
    • There are six more weeks of winter if a northerner sees her shadow. #733
    • Groups of government workers are declared protected tribes if they venture too deep into the Capitol. #490
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December 25th, 2018

    • The Divine Cervinean Babysitters Club has proven to be a huge relief to stressed-out parents across the nation. #448
    • Sex changes are routinely performed at Divine Cervine's hospitals. #66
    • Thomas the Spank Engine is the most popular and controversial children's show in the nation. #516
    • Five-year-olds who refuse to line up on command get gold stars. #1131
    • The nation has nearly as many history museums as Divine Deerlings. #637
    • The national anthem is a rather effective sleeping aid. #633

December 26th, 2018

    • Divine Cervine has one of the largest offshore wind farms in the world. #263
    • Children as young as six shock their parents by coming out of the closet. #365
    • Nouveau riche farmers diligently take care of their golden calf herds. #1075

December 27th, 2018

    • Community-designed sword prostheses are becoming dangerously common. #709
    • Cotton candy made from genuine cotton cellulose doesn't quite satisfy. #811

December 28th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 30th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Advanced Public Education, scoring 47,991.43 on the Edu-tellignceฎ Test Score.
    • Couples are discouraged from marrying until they can rank their partner on a scale of one to ten. #1023
    • The nation's politicians are known more for the internet memes they spawn than any of their accomplishments. #963
    • The national policy for Public Protest has been reinstalled. The right to public protest is considered to be essential.
    • Politicians have seen a significant reduction in followers on their social media accounts. #992
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December 29th, 2018

    • Films are funded in accordance with the volume of tears shed when reading the screenplay. #1090
    • Earthquake sirens are a leading cause of hearing loss. #672

December 30th, 2018

    • Prime real estate is devoted to wind farms and solar energy generators. #69
    • Several underground organisations in Divine Cervine have recently been spreading discontent throughout the populace about not being able to vote. #177 dismissed

December 31st, 2018

    • The government spends millions of ค luminous orbs every year prosecuting spammers. #94
    • Citizens are frequently searched for illegal weapons. #149
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Very Good to Good.
    • Television characters who ask how someone's doing are charged with harassment. #1077
    • Divine Cervine published "The Benevolent Queendom of Divine Cervine History - 2019 January - February" (Factbook: History).

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