The Matriarchy of Eaiou is a gargantuan, genial nation, ruled by General Esme with an even hand, and notable for its irreverence towards religion. The quiet, industrious population of 12.842 billion Eaiouans enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

The medium-sized government prioritizes Administration, with Defense, Education, and Welfare also on the agenda, while Spirituality and International Aid receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of New Denver. The average income tax rate is 21.7%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The large but inefficient Eaiouan economy, worth 426 trillion marks a year, is quite specialized and led by the Uranium Mining industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Trout Farming, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 33,179 marks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.4 times as much as the poorest.

The Violetist community celebrates bombshells being dropped on Eaiou, only adults may purchase violent video games, General Esme's family members carry literal get-out-of-jail-free cards, and parents dread their examinations more than their children. Crime, especially youth-related, is relatively low. Eaiou's national animal is the fox.

Eaiou is ranked 41,570^th in the world and 2^nd in eaiou for Most Primitive, scoring 62.45 on the Scary Big Number Scale.