by Max Barry

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The Exalted Supremacy of East Borland

“Crush Their Spirits and You Will Control Their Minds”

Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights:
Unheard Of
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Unheard Of

Regional Influence: Truckler

Location: The Alliance of Dictators

OverviewPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

East Borland

Population35.443 billion

CapitalThe Lair
LeaderHis Supreme Eminence
FaithOppression

CurrencySlave
AnimalGila Monster

The Exalted Supremacy of East Borland is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by His Supreme Eminence with an iron fist, and renowned for its zero percent divorce rate, strictly enforced bedtime, and avowedly heterosexual populace. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 35.443 billion East Borlandists are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is effectively ruled by the Department of Defense, with Law & Order and Industry also on the agenda, while Environment and Social Policy aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Lair. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient East Borlandian economy, worth an astonishing 30,621 trillion Slaves a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Retail, and Woodchip Exports. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is a breathtaking 863,958 Slaves, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 6,071,306 per year while the poor average 41,836, a ratio of 145 to 1.

No cul-de-sac or trailer park is complete without a gambling parlor, concussed Gila Monsterball players cannot remember their lineup position, barges of dissidents are being "reeducated through water therapy" in the South Gila Monster Sea, and it is unwise to be a poet even if things rhyme and you don't know it. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. East Borland's national animal is the Gila Monster, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Oppression.

East Borland is ranked 1st in the world and 1st in The Alliance of Dictators for Most Avoided, scoring 11,428.56 on the Kardashian Reflex Score.

Top
1%
Most Avoided: 1stMost Corrupt Governments: 1stMost Secular: 7thLargest Mining Sector: 7thLargest Insurance Industry: 8thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 9thHighest Disposable Incomes: 10thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 10thFattest Citizens: 11thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 14thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 16thLargest Agricultural Sector: 19thHighest Economic Output: 21stHighest Average Incomes: 22ndLargest Retail Industry: 22ndHighest Wealthy Incomes: 22ndLargest Cheese Export Sector: 30thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 30thLowest Overall Tax Burden: 36thMost Ignorant Citizens: 47thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 52ndMost Armed: 96thMost Efficient Economies: 106thRudest Citizens: 126thLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 176thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 195thLargest Governments: 221stLargest Soda Pop Sector: 260thLowest Crime Rates: 346thMost Primitive: 360thLargest Populations: 824thMost Stationary: 1,242ndGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 1,325thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1,456thLargest Black Market: 1,456thTop
5%
Largest Trout Fishing Sector: 4,008thMost Influential: 7,705thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 8,104thTop
10%
Most Conservative: 10,812thMost Subsidized Industry: 12,599thMost Valuable International Artwork: 13,824th
Top
1%
Most Secular: 1st in the regionLowest Overall Tax Burden: 1st in the regionMost Avoided: 1st in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 1st in the regionMost Ignorant Citizens: 1st in the regionFattest Citizens: 1st in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 1st in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 1st in the regionRudest Citizens: 1st in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 1st in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 1st in the regionMost Primitive: 1st in the regionTop
5%
Largest Cheese Export Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 2nd in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 2nd in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 2nd in the regionLargest Populations: 2nd in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 3rd in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 3rd in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 3rd in the regionHighest Economic Output: 3rd in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 3rd in the regionMost Stationary: 3rd in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 4th in the regionLargest Governments: 4th in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 5th in the regionLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 5th in the regionTop
10%
Lowest Crime Rates: 8th in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 8th in the regionMost Influential: 11th in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 11th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in East Borland, it is unwise to be a poet even if things rhyme and you don't know it.
  • : Following new legislation in East Borland, barges of dissidents are being "reeducated through water therapy" in the South Gila Monster Sea.
  • : Following new legislation in East Borland, concussed Gila Monsterball players cannot remember their lineup position.
  • : Following new legislation in East Borland, no cul-de-sac or trailer park is complete without a gambling parlor.
  • : Following new legislation in East Borland, the nation has unofficially betrayed its values.
  • : Following new legislation in East Borland, the government seizes the property of the recently deceased.
  • : Following new legislation in East Borland, 'Police Academy 36' and 'Sharknados On A Plane' are vying for top spot at the box-office.
  • : Following new legislation in East Borland, the military has had to quell a recent insurrection by uninsured revolutionaries.
  • : Following new legislation in East Borland, agricultural employees work for peanuts.
  • : Following new legislation in East Borland, schoolyard sandboxes resemble ashtrays due to the large number of cigarette butts.

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