by Max Barry

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National Flag

The Republic of Eitoan

“No Man A Slave”

Category: Corporate Bordello
Civil Rights:
Good
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Superb

Regional Influence: Truckler

Location: Greater Dienstad

OverviewFactbookDispatchesPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Eitoan

Population14.863 billion

LeaderEphriam Shrdlu
FaithNo official religion

CurrencyQuada
AnimalEitoan Tiger

The Republic of Eitoan is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Ephriam Shrdlu with a fair hand, and remarkable for its rum-swilling pirates, smutty television, and multi-spousal wedding ceremonies. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 14.863 billion Eitoans are effectively ruled by a group of massive corporations, who run for political office and provide their well-off citizens with world-class goods and services. Their poorer citizens, however, are mostly starving to death while being urged to go out and get real jobs. The populace has reasonably extensive civil rights, although these are mostly aimed at allowing them to buy whatever they like.

The tiny, pro-business government prioritizes Defense, although Administration, Industry, and Law & Order are also considered important, while Spirituality and Environment are ignored. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 4.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Eitoanian economy, worth a remarkable 2,406 trillion Quadas a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Uranium Mining. Average income is an impressive 161,924 Quadas, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 757,536 per year while the poor average 20,676, a ratio of 36.6 to 1.

The government recently relinquished its monopoly on the mail service, shopkeepers use microscopes to verify the authenticity of banknotes, if foreigners can hit a spittoon from five paces they get a free holiday to Eitoan, and Ephriam Shrdlu has just been declared ruler of Eitoan in an international press conference. Crime, especially youth-related, is a problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Eitoan's national animal is the Eitoan Tiger, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is No official religion.

Eitoan is ranked 138,715th in the world and 34th in Greater Dienstad for Most Extreme, scoring 19.8 on the Paul-Nader Subjective Decentrality Index.

Top
1%
Rudest Citizens: 1,955thLowest Overall Tax Burden: 2,334thHighest Disposable Incomes: 3,020thTop
5%
Fattest Citizens: 3,402ndHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 3,718thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 3,928thMost Avoided: 4,154thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 4,778thLargest Retail Industry: 6,217thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 7,597thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 9,245thMost Stationary: 9,571stHighest Economic Output: 10,648thMost Influential: 10,688thHighest Workforce Participation Rate: 14,277thTop
10%
Largest Agricultural Sector: 17,078thLargest Mining Sector: 17,132ndLargest Manufacturing Sector: 17,467thLargest Publishing Industry: 18,603rdMost Scientifically Advanced: 19,373rdMost Secular: 19,679thHighest Average Incomes: 20,065thMost Armed: 21,127thLargest Information Technology Sector: 21,269thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 22,234thMost Rebellious Youth: 22,501stLargest Gambling Industry: 22,598thMost Efficient Economies: 29,488thSmartest Citizens: 29,503rdLargest Populations: 29,659th
Top
5%
Lowest Overall Tax Burden: 3rd in the regionRudest Citizens: 3rd in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 3rd in the regionMost Pro-Market: 4th in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 4th in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 4th in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 4th in the regionTop
10%
Largest Retail Industry: 5th in the regionHighest Workforce Participation Rate: 5th in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 6th in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 7th in the regionFattest Citizens: 7th in the regionMost Avoided: 8th in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 8th in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 8th in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 8th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Eitoan changed its national leader to "Ephriam Shrdlu".
  • : Following new legislation in Eitoan, Ephriam Shrdlu has just been declared ruler of Eitoan in an international press conference.
  • : Following new legislation in Eitoan, if foreigners can hit a spittoon from five paces they get a free holiday to Eitoan.
  • : Eitoan lodged a message on the Greater Dienstad Regional Message Board.
  • : Following new legislation in Eitoan, shopkeepers use microscopes to verify the authenticity of banknotes.
  • : Following new legislation in Eitoan, the government recently relinquished its monopoly on the mail service.
  • : Following new legislation in Eitoan, the number of eyes rolled per maths lesson is increasing exponentially.
  • : Eitoan was cleansed by a Level 2 Specialist Tactical Zombie Elimination Squad from The Armed Republic of Free Ariadna, killing 44 million zombies.
  • : Eitoan was cleansed by a Level 2 Specialist Tactical Zombie Elimination Squad from The Theocratic Matriarchy of Holy Marsh, killing 479 million zombies.
  • : Eitoan was struck by a Mk III (Purifier) Cure Missile from The Allied States of Marshite Alliance for a Free Tupenga, curing 46 million infected.

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