by Max Barry

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The Bootleg Empire of Eli Cardashyan

“It's MY mall!” Eli Cardashyan

Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights:
Unheard Of
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Rare

Regional Influence: Eminence Grise

Location: Daybreak

OverviewPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Eli Cardashyan

Population8.832 billion

CapitalGlendale
LeaderEli Cardashyan
FaithA Romantic Attraction to A Mannequin

CurrencyDollar
AnimalGhoulie

The Bootleg Empire of Eli Cardashyan is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Eli Cardashyan with an iron fist, and renowned for its ritual sacrifices, disturbing lack of elderly people, and strictly enforced bedtime. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 8.832 billion Cardashyans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Glendale. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 79.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Cardasyans economy, worth a remarkable 1,608 trillion Dollars a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Retail, Uranium Mining, Soda Sales, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 182,081 Dollars, with the richest citizens earning 8.1 times as much as the poorest.

Kids only know what plants are because they've seen them on the television, breast milk is being redistributed from each according to their ability to each according to their need, talking during class is a gateway to lifelong drug addiction, and official medical guidelines insist that childbirth is 'almost totally painless'. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Eli Cardashyan's national animal is the Ghoulie, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is A Romantic Attraction to A Mannequin.

Eli Cardashyan is ranked 51,158th in the world and 5th in Daybreak for Most Stationary, with 879.46806214008 days.

Top
1%
Most Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2,425thMost Primitive: 2,571stLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 2,867thTop
5%
Most Ignorant Citizens: 3,184thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 3,466thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 3,501stLargest Black Market: 3,549thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 3,553rdMost Subsidized Industry: 5,067thLargest Mining Sector: 5,545thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 6,057thMost Corrupt Governments: 6,269thNudest: 6,555thMost Advanced Public Transport: 7,512thLargest Retail Industry: 8,613thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 9,362ndHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 9,912thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 9,936thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 10,539thHighest Average Incomes: 13,244thTop
10%
Largest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 16,127thHighest Economic Output: 16,378thMost Devout: 17,267thMost Efficient Economies: 17,741stMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 18,297thHighest Average Tax Rates: 19,355thMost Conservative: 19,617thLargest Governments: 19,866thMost Rebellious Youth: 21,876thMost Advanced Public Education: 25,520thMost Authoritarian: 26,662ndMost Cultured: 27,746th
Top
10%
Greatest Rich-Poor Divides: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Conservative: 1st in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 1st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 1st in the regionMost Authoritarian: 1st in the regionHighest Economic Output: 1st in the regionMost Extreme: 1st in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in Eli Cardashyan, official medical guidelines insist that childbirth is 'almost totally painless'.
  • : Following new legislation in Eli Cardashyan, talking during class is a gateway to lifelong drug addiction.
  • : Following new legislation in Eli Cardashyan, breast milk is being redistributed from each according to their ability to each according to their need.
  • : Following new legislation in Eli Cardashyan, kids only know what plants are because they've seen them on the television.
  • : Following new legislation in Eli Cardashyan, anything is permissible when wearing latex gloves.
  • : Eli Cardashyan was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Largest Basket Weaving Sector and the Top 5% for Highest Unexpected Death Rate.
  • : Following new legislation in Eli Cardashyan, terrified tympanists are finding themselves on the front lines armed only with kettledrums.
  • : Following new legislation in Eli Cardashyan, governments opposing Eli Cardashyan are beset by rebels.
  • : Following new legislation in Eli Cardashyan, artists are pillars of society.
  • : Following new legislation in Eli Cardashyan, thousands of picky mothers-in-law have been recruited to serve as even pickier cookery instructors.

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