The Jingoistic States of Emergency Puppet 34 is a gargantuan, cultured nation, renowned for its triple-decker prams, parental licensing program, and ritual sacrifices. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 10.096 billion Emergency Puppet 34ians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. The average income tax rate is 42.6%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Emergency Puppet 34ian economy, worth a remarkable 1,291 trillion Golds a year, is fairly diversified and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Basket Weaving, Information Technology, and Furniture Restoration. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 127,895 Golds, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.7 times as much as the poorest.

No cul-de-sac or trailer park is complete without a gambling parlor, torture is commonly used to extract information from suspected criminals, pet owners make sure their dogs wear diapers, and doctors refer to inner-cities as newbie zones. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Emergency Puppet 34's national animal is the Black Widow, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Emergency Puppet 34 is ranked 78,631^st in the world and 212^th in Emergency Puppet for Lowest Crime Rates, with 68.75 law-abiding acts per hour.