The Armed Republic of Epicer Unicorns is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Defender with an iron fist, and notable for its zero percent divorce rate, smutty television, and absence of drug laws. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 8.1 billion Defenders are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Administration, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Defenderville. The average income tax rate is 62.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The strong Defender economy, worth 626 trillion paper unicorns a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, broadly diversified black market in Woodchip Exports, Book Publishing, Retail, and Pizza Delivery. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 77,383 paper unicorns, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.5 times as much as the poorest.

4-year-olds are often found reminiscing about the 'good old days', homeless people are periodically found dead upon altars to assorted deities, pollution is on the rise along with government approvals of fracking projects, and theatre may or may not be changing for the better but it is being changed for good. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Epicer Unicorns's national animal is the unicorn, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Defenderism.

Epicer Unicorns is ranked 44,867^th in the world and 24^th in South Pacific for Lowest Crime Rates, with 75.81 law-abiding acts per hour.