by Max Barry

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The Walled Cities of EretzIsrael

“בתחבולות תעשה לך מלחמה‎”

Category: Corporate Bordello
Civil Rights:
Very Good
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Excellent

Regional Influence: Minnow

Location: The North Pacific

OverviewPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

EretzIsrael

Population19.806 billion

Capitalיְרוּשָׁלַיִם
LeaderBenjamin Satanyahu
FaithSatanism

Currencyשקל
Animalgazelle

The Walled Cities of EretzIsrael is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Benjamin Satanyahu with a fair hand, and notable for its deadly medical pandemics, pith helmet sales, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 19.806 billion EretzIsraelians are effectively ruled by a group of massive corporations, who run for political office and provide their well-off citizens with world-class goods and services. Their poorer citizens, however, are mostly starving to death while being urged to go out and get real jobs. The populace has reasonably extensive civil rights, although these are mostly aimed at allowing them to buy whatever they like.

The minute, corrupt, pro-business government, or what there is of one, prioritizes Defense, although Industry is also considered important, while Environment and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of יְרוּשָׁלַיִם. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient EretzIsraelian economy, worth an astonishing 14,997 trillion שקלs a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Gambling, and Uranium Mining. Average income is a breathtaking 757,199 שקלs, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 7,063,303 per year while the poor average 7,180, a ratio of 983 to 1.

Blackface performers claim they are being deliberately ironic, urban high-volume mailers now receive their mail via chauffeur-driven limousines, there's a lot of hot air coming from the Capitol Building, and insurance companies charge extortionate premiums to cover homes near waterways. Crime is so common that it is unusual to encounter someone following the law, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. EretzIsrael's national animal is the gazelle, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Satanism.

EretzIsrael is ranked 6,127th in the world and 563rd in The North Pacific for Most Valuable International Artwork, with 60.79 Bank.

Top
1%
Rudest Citizens: 2ndLargest Retail Industry: 4thMost Avoided: 6thFattest Citizens: 7thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 8thMost Corrupt Governments: 9thLowest Overall Tax Burden: 14thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 15thLargest Gambling Industry: 16thMost Secular: 17thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 18thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 26thHighest Disposable Incomes: 26thLargest Insurance Industry: 34thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 36thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 40thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 50thHighest Average Incomes: 54thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 62ndLargest Cheese Export Sector: 68thLargest Mining Sector: 74thMost Armed: 80thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 82ndMost Efficient Economies: 82ndMost Scientifically Advanced: 89thHighest Crime Rates: 90thLargest Agricultural Sector: 161stHighest Economic Output: 171stLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 206thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 687thLargest Information Technology Sector: 916thTop
5%
Highest Workforce Participation Rate: 3,296thMost Stationary: 3,531stLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 4,696thLargest Governments: 5,088thMost Valuable International Artwork: 6,127thLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 6,326thMost Subsidized Industry: 6,925thLargest Populations: 7,328thLargest Black Market: 8,143rdTop
10%
Most Influential: 11,799thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 12,021stLargest Publishing Industry: 13,141stSmartest Citizens: 14,589thMost Pro-Market: 14,927thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 17,928th
Top
1%
Lowest Overall Tax Burden: 1st in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 1st in the regionFattest Citizens: 1st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionMost Avoided: 1st in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 1st in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1st in the regionRudest Citizens: 1st in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 2nd in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 3rd in the regionHighest Economic Output: 3rd in the regionMost Armed: 4th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 4th in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 4th in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 5th in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 5th in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 5th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 8th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 31st in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 58th in the regionMost Stationary: 80th in the regionTop
5%
Largest Populations: 105th in the regionMost Pro-Market: 170th in the regionHighest Workforce Participation Rate: 179th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 197th in the regionLargest Governments: 262nd in the regionLargest Black Market: 330th in the regionLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 353rd in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 379th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 437th in the regionTop
10%
Most Valuable International Artwork: 563rd in the regionLargest Publishing Industry: 641st in the regionSmartest Citizens: 769th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, insurance companies charge extortionate premiums to cover homes near waterways.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, there's a lot of hot air coming from the Capitol Building.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, urban high-volume mailers now receive their mail via chauffeur-driven limousines.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, blackface performers claim they are being deliberately ironic.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, it's best not to ask what goes into יְרוּשָׁלַיִם Fried Chicken's secret blend of herbs and spices.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, it is illegal for police officers to carry out searches due to strict privacy laws.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, requests to "pass the salt" are supported by tank divisions.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, children who can't memorize their multiplication tables are sent to the mines.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, there's no weight to modern politics.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, anti-vaxxers claim that injected children are prone to psychotic breaks when they see the 'Queen of Diamonds' playing card.

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