by Max Barry

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The Walled Cities of EretzIsrael

“בתחבולות תעשה לך מלחמה‎”

Category: Capitalist Paradise
Civil Rights:
Very Good
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Very Good

Regional Influence: Minnow

Location: The North Pacific

OverviewPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

EretzIsrael

Population19.083 billion

Capitalיְרוּשָׁלַיִם
LeaderBenjamin Satanyahu
FaithSatanism

Currencyשקל
Animalgazelle

The Walled Cities of EretzIsrael is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Benjamin Satanyahu with an even hand, and remarkable for its keen interest in outer space, infamous sell-swords, and free-roaming dinosaurs. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 19.083 billion EretzIsraelians are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The minute, corrupt, pro-business government, or what there is of one, prioritizes Defense, although Industry is also considered important, while Environment and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of יְרוּשָׁלַיִם. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient EretzIsraelian economy, worth an astonishing 14,195 trillion שקלs a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Gambling, and Uranium Mining. Average income is a breathtaking 743,904 שקלs, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 6,968,415 per year while the poor average 6,684, a ratio of 1,042 to 1.

Edutainment video games are taking EretzIsrael's students to the next level, insomnia is slowly turning everyone insane, health-conscious denizens drink their dogs' water, and the national sporting identity is represented by a talking burger and a singing smartphone. Crime is so common that it is unusual to encounter someone following the law, probably because of the absence of a police force. EretzIsrael's national animal is the gazelle, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Satanism.

EretzIsrael is ranked 21st in the world and 1st in The North Pacific for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring 70,070.84 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.

Top
1%
Largest Retail Industry: 4thRudest Citizens: 5thFattest Citizens: 6thMost Avoided: 8thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 9thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 9thMost Corrupt Governments: 10thLowest Overall Tax Burden: 14thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 15thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 18thMost Secular: 18thLargest Gambling Industry: 21stHighest Disposable Incomes: 28thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 32ndLargest Insurance Industry: 35thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 37thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 43rdHighest Average Incomes: 57thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 64thMost Scientifically Advanced: 70thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 71stLargest Mining Sector: 79thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 88thMost Armed: 104thMost Efficient Economies: 106thHighest Crime Rates: 124thLargest Agricultural Sector: 169thHighest Economic Output: 188thLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 215thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 687thLargest Information Technology Sector: 924thTop
5%
Highest Workforce Participation Rate: 2,505thMost Stationary: 3,620thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 4,904thMost Valuable International Artwork: 4,953rdLargest Governments: 5,888thLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 6,303rdLargest Populations: 7,392ndLargest Black Market: 7,648thMost Subsidized Industry: 8,930thTop
10%
Most Influential: 11,670thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 12,060thLargest Publishing Industry: 13,917thSmartest Citizens: 14,121stMost Pro-Market: 16,070thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 18,945thHighest Drug Use: 19,103rd
Top
1%
Highest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1st in the regionLowest Overall Tax Burden: 1st in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 1st in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 1st in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 1st in the regionFattest Citizens: 1st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 1st in the regionRudest Citizens: 1st in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionMost Avoided: 1st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 2nd in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 2nd in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 2nd in the regionHighest Economic Output: 3rd in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 3rd in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 4th in the regionMost Armed: 4th in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 4th in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 6th in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 6th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 8th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 36th in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 55th in the regionMost Stationary: 82nd in the regionLargest Populations: 87th in the regionTop
5%
Highest Workforce Participation Rate: 137th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 210th in the regionMost Pro-Market: 248th in the regionLargest Black Market: 309th in the regionLargest Governments: 313th in the regionHighest Drug Use: 374th in the regionLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 389th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 436th in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 452nd in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 460th in the regionTop
10%
Nudest: 641st in the regionLargest Publishing Industry: 707th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 749th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, the national sporting identity is represented by a talking burger and a singing smartphone.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, health-conscious denizens drink their dogs' water.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, insomnia is slowly turning everyone insane.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, edutainment video games are taking EretzIsrael's students to the next level.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, production of license plates has dropped as prisoners' hands are far too greasy to operate machinery.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, rundown towns are frequently sold to billionaires for their pet projects.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, both illness and poverty are seen as signs of low moral worth.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, fiscal policy hawks decry the sizable "panem et circenses" fund added to the public budget.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, city sidewalks are crowded with overweight people.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, confessions don't count if suffixed with "izzle".

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