by Max Barry

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The JRPG of Final Fantasy 9

“What exactly does final mean?”

Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights:
Rare
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Rare

Regional Influence: Auxiliary

Location: Square Enix

OverviewPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Final Fantasy 9

Population5.075 billion

CapitalSquare
LeaderMoogle
FaithCrystals

Currencymark
Animalkiwi

The JRPG of Final Fantasy 9 is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Moogle with an iron fist, and notable for its enslaved workforce, anti-smoking policies, and frequent executions. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 5.075 billion Final Fantasy 9ians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Square. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 72.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Final Fantasy 9ian economy, worth 406 trillion marks a year, is quite specialized and led by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Uranium Mining, and Basket Weaving. Black market activity is notable. Average income is 80,100 marks, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 331,468 per year while the poor average 12,708, a ratio of 26.1 to 1.

'To Regulate And Beyond' is the unofficial motto of the Final Fantasy 9ian Space Agency, jail house rock has been replaced with jail house golden oldies, praying before a battle is a court-martial offence, and children as young as eight can be found working in factories. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Final Fantasy 9's national animal is the kiwi, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Crystals.

Final Fantasy 9 is ranked 111,876th in the world and 15th in Square Enix for Nudest, with 159.5 cheeks per square mile.

Top
5%
Most Primitive: 6,247thLargest Retail Industry: 11,921stTop
10%
Most Advanced Law Enforcement: 20,902ndMost Advanced Public Transport: 21,263rdMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 22,435thLargest Publishing Industry: 22,665thMost Subsidized Industry: 23,095thMost Advanced Public Education: 23,808thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 26,346thMost Devout: 27,385th
Top
5%
Most Efficient Economies: 1st in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 1st in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 1st in the regionMost Developed: 1st in the regionTop
10%
Most Advanced Public Education: 2nd in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 2nd in the regionLargest Governments: 2nd in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 2nd in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 2nd in the regionMost Primitive: 2nd in the regionLargest Publishing Industry: 2nd in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 2nd in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in Final Fantasy 9, children as young as eight can be found working in factories.
  • : Following new legislation in Final Fantasy 9, praying before a battle is a court-martial offence.
  • : Following new legislation in Final Fantasy 9, jail house rock has been replaced with jail house golden oldies.
  • : Following new legislation in Final Fantasy 9, 'To Regulate And Beyond' is the unofficial motto of the Final Fantasy 9ian Space Agency.
  • : Following new legislation in Final Fantasy 9, open-casket funerals are avoided at all cost.
  • : Final Fantasy 9 changed its national capital to "Square", its faith to "Crystals", its leader to "Moogle", and its nation type to "JRPG".
  • : Following new legislation in Final Fantasy 9, the nation is experiencing a severe shortage of sporting events.
  • : Following new legislation in Final Fantasy 9, net monetary worth and net moral worth are considered to be directly equivalent.
  • : Following new legislation in Final Fantasy 9, all the playground's a stage for Final Fantasy 9ian schoolchildren.
  • : Following new legislation in Final Fantasy 9, epileptic patients switch their medications to whichever has a 'buy one get one free' offer.

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