by Max Barry

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The Great United Provinces of Greater Tuvalu

“Everyone is welcome!”

Category: Left-wing Utopia
Civil Rights:
Superb
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Widely Abused

Regional Influence: Powerbroker

Location: Future Earth

OverviewFactbookDispatchesPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Greater Tuvalu

Population9.189 billion

CapitalFunafuti

CurrencyTuvaluan Dollar
AnimalBottlenose Dolphin

The Great United Provinces of Greater Tuvalu is a colossal, cultured nation, renowned for its keen interest in outer space, complete lack of prisons, and absence of drug laws. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 9.189 billion Greater Tuvaluans are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, liberal, socially-minded, outspoken morass — juggles the competing demands of Education, Welfare, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Funafuti. The average income tax rate is 98.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Greater Tuvaluan economy, worth a remarkable 1,321 trillion Tuvaluan Dollars a year, is highly specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing and Information Technology. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 143,771 Tuvaluan Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Nouveau riche farmers diligently take care of their golden calf herds, the horniness of the great-horned Bottlenose Dolphin is considered a national priority, the nation's biggest export is stupidity, and the nation locks people up and tells them they're mad for compassion's sake. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Greater Tuvalu's national animal is the Bottlenose Dolphin, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans.

Greater Tuvalu is ranked 167,267th in the world and 6th in Future Earth for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring -29.45 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.

Top
1%
Largest Welfare Programs: 410thHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 650thMost Advanced Public Transport: 777thMost Cheerful Citizens: 1,059thNicest Citizens: 1,180thMost Pacifist: 1,187thMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 1,350thMost Compassionate Citizens: 1,354thMost Rebellious Youth: 1,664thTop
5%
Most Inclusive: 1,783rdHighest Average Tax Rates: 1,961stMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 2,125thSafest: 2,504thMost Advanced Public Education: 2,522ndBest Weather: 2,942ndLargest Governments: 2,981stMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 3,236thLongest Average Lifespans: 3,540thLeast Corrupt Governments: 3,693rdMost Beautiful Environments: 3,720thMost Cultured: 4,009thMost Developed: 4,077thHealthiest Citizens: 4,147thMost Subsidized Industry: 4,676thLowest Crime Rates: 5,169thHighest Poor Incomes: 6,601stMost Devout: 6,816thMost Politically Free: 6,849thSmartest Citizens: 7,008thTop
10%
Highest Economic Output: 10,493rdNudest: 12,336thLargest Publishing Industry: 13,407thHighest Average Incomes: 13,798thMost Extreme: 16,766th

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