by Max Barry

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The Children's Crusade of Guiness Freaks

“See ya later new Doug” Beer Leader

Category: Scandinavian Liberal Paradise
Civil Rights:
Political Freedoms:

Regional Influence: Apprentice

Location: Lazarus


Guiness Freaks

Population12.662 billion

CapitalJameson Whiskey
LeaderBeer Leader

Animalbeer owl

The Children's Crusade of Guiness Freaks is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by Beer Leader with a fair hand, and notable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, aversion to nipples, and restrictive gun laws. The compassionate, democratic, humorless population of 12.662 billion Guiness Freaksians enjoy extensive civil rights and enjoy a level of social equality free from the usual accompanying government corruption.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, socially-minded morass — juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Social Policy. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Jameson Whiskey. The average income tax rate is 96.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Guiness Freaksian economy, worth a remarkable 1,525 trillion pints a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology and Gambling. Average income is an impressive 120,493 pints, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

A well-funded social safety net protects the unfortunate, cremation is compulsory for the deceased, married couples must call each other "darling" or risk a fine, and millions of Guiness Freaksians are excellent swimmers. Crime is totally unknown. Guiness Freaks's national animal is the beer owl, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Nihilism.

Guiness Freaks is ranked 1,322nd in the world and 53rd in Lazarus for Most Developed, scoring 97.43 on the Human Development Index.

Most Eco-Friendly Governments: 279thMost Advanced Public Education: 843rdMost Beautiful Environments: 850thBest Weather: 1,199thMost Developed: 1,322ndLongest Average Lifespans: 1,384thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 1,458thTop
Most Popular Tourist Destinations: 1,558thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 1,928thMost Pacifist: 1,971stMost Influential: 2,147thLargest Welfare Programs: 2,170thMost Rebellious Youth: 2,509thMost Inclusive: 2,512thHighest Average Tax Rates: 3,115thMost Compassionate Citizens: 3,119thHealthiest Citizens: 3,372ndMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 3,587thSmartest Citizens: 3,638thLeast Corrupt Governments: 4,233rdLargest Governments: 5,238thLargest Publishing Industry: 6,642ndSafest: 6,796thHighest Poor Incomes: 7,567thTop
Highest Workforce Participation Rate: 7,781stHighest Economic Output: 8,500thLowest Crime Rates: 8,747thHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 8,810thMost Income Equality: 10,568thMost Advanced Public Transport: 11,390thMost Secular: 12,039thMost Cultured: 14,596thLargest Populations: 14,686th
Most Eco-Friendly Governments: 13th in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 16th in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 32nd in the regionMost Influential: 37th in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 40th in the regionTop
Most Developed: 53rd in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 54th in the regionBest Weather: 62nd in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 72nd in the regionMost Pacifist: 104th in the regionMost Inclusive: 108th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 111th in the regionMost Rebellious Youth: 118th in the regionLargest Welfare Programs: 123rd in the regionMost Compassionate Citizens: 153rd in the regionSmartest Citizens: 163rd in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 177th in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 178th in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 209th in the regionLeast Corrupt Governments: 260th in the regionTop
Largest Governments: 277th in the regionMost Income Equality: 279th in the regionLargest Publishing Industry: 347th in the regionHighest Workforce Participation Rate: 368th in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 403rd in the regionSafest: 405th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 413th in the regionMost Stationary: 470th in the regionLargest Populations: 473rd in the regionHighest Drug Use: 478th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 515th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:


World Assembly

Endorsements Received: 110 » Treadwellia, The New California Republic, Wintermoot III, Bobs raider puppet, Captain Apollo, Wilhelmsborough, Pherttsylvania, Aaecilia, Courlany, Killer Kitty, Imkiville, New Rogernomics, The Land of the Dogs, Margandy, Jocobia, Astalen, Aleckandor, Common Agreement Nation, Edranian Land, Tiegenhof, Hycronesia, Aguaria Major, Nargorthia, Ergtrini, The Salvation States, Ecchi Unlimited, Americastrailia, Galfni, Mzeusia, RadRoachInc, Loftegen 2, Custadia, Leonism, Caybow, Fluffiness, Sombrassino, Seatlantis, SunnyPhiladelphia, Kan Po, Aigania, Sophisica, The Rin Mang, Greygard, Li Ka Shing Administrative Region, Altmar, Derthal, Snoodum, Perchan, Your Imaginary Friend, Denado, and 60 others.Axixic, Burning Pants, Hickerbilly, Lazarene Ryccia, Lake Flotillas, Mainze, Ireland Isles, Volac, Rommanda, Rangers Brotherhood, Sireco, Emperor PJ, Red-Black Scar, Sharps inc, The Utopian Initiative, Ramagiest, Lingord, Capercom, Zirachia, Nippon Shotou Teikoku, Miriflower, General Mike, The Great Shepherds, Xracona, Othan, Zetaopalatopia, Port Flynt, NewLeaf, Darkium, Apicem Rapax, Middle Ketalia, Marcellinople, Dracovis, FulfiLland, Kappan, Praenestia, Tragic Magic, Auralon, Halliway, The Torrentin, Varotium, Shadowra, Leton, Wishper, Steel Vagabonds, The Celestial Lands, Zadaria, The Daedric Lords, Nova Zemlya, Bhiff, Haviarda, Russiane, Kunigund, The Illusian Empire, Neue Ost Fluch, Egyptos, Turkish-Ottoman, Lutfan, Meat Sandwich, and Kakatiya.

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