by Max Barry

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The Children's Crusade of Guiness Freaks

“Free Palestine 🇵🇸” Beer Leader

Category: Scandinavian Liberal Paradise
Civil Rights:
Excessive
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Very Good

Regional Influence: Squire

Location: Lazarus

OverviewFactbookPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Guiness Freaks

Population22.638 billion

CapitalJameson Whiskey
LeaderBeer Leader
FaithAtheism yeah buddy

Currencypint
Animalbeer owl

The Children's Crusade of Guiness Freaks is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Beer Leader with an even hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, and daily referendums. The compassionate, democratic, humorless population of 22.638 billion Guiness Freaksians enjoy extensive civil rights and enjoy a level of social equality free from the usual accompanying government corruption.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, liberal morass — juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Jameson Whiskey. The average income tax rate is 99.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Guiness Freaksian economy, worth a remarkable 3,736 trillion pints a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 165,070 pints, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Criminal rehabilitation takes place in re-education centers, ADHD now stands for Attention Distracted by Hardware Devices, every day has been a surprise since weather reporters turned to consulting ancient totems for their seven-day forecasts, and anti-government political posters adorn every building like wallpaper. Crime is totally unknown. Guiness Freaks's national animal is the beer owl, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Atheism yeah buddy.

Guiness Freaks is ranked 9,059th in the world and 586th in Lazarus for Lowest Crime Rates, with 102.63 law-abiding acts per hour.

Top
1%
Most Eco-Friendly Governments: 276thMost Advanced Public Education: 634thMost Beautiful Environments: 720thLargest Welfare Programs: 815thBest Weather: 1,127thMost Rebellious Youth: 1,233rdMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 1,387thMost Secular: 1,506thMost Inclusive: 1,528thHighest Average Tax Rates: 1,801stHighest Food Quality: 2,006thMost Pacifist: 2,070thMost Compassionate Citizens: 2,106thMost Developed: 2,145thHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 2,444thLargest Governments: 2,735thLongest Average Lifespans: 2,786thSmartest Citizens: 2,929thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 3,066thTop
5%
Most World Assembly Endorsements: 3,148thMost Influential: 3,817thHealthiest Citizens: 3,911thMost Cultured: 4,582ndNicest Citizens: 5,073rdMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 5,153rdHighest Economic Output: 5,247thLargest Publishing Industry: 5,270thHighest Workforce Participation Rate: 5,490thMost Advanced Public Transport: 6,622ndHighest Poor Incomes: 6,991stRudest Citizens: 7,201stMost Valuable International Artwork: 7,680thLowest Crime Rates: 9,059thMost Stationary: 11,304thLargest Populations: 11,892ndLeast Corrupt Governments: 12,541stMost Efficient Economies: 15,008thTop
10%
Nudest: 16,262ndHighest Average Incomes: 17,185thMost Scientifically Advanced: 19,890thSafest: 20,524thLargest Information Technology Sector: 23,024thMost Subsidized Industry: 23,028thMost Extensive Civil Rights: 28,153rdHighest Drug Use: 28,805thMost Income Equality: 29,255th
Top
1%
Most Eco-Friendly Governments: 9th in the regionLargest Welfare Programs: 23rd in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 25th in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 25th in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 30th in the regionBest Weather: 36th in the regionMost Inclusive: 40th in the regionMost Rebellious Youth: 42nd in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 50th in the regionMost Influential: 54th in the regionMost Secular: 66th in the regionMost Compassionate Citizens: 66th in the regionHighest Food Quality: 71st in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 72nd in the regionMost Pacifist: 89th in the regionMost Developed: 91st in the regionLargest Governments: 108th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 114th in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 117th in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 125th in the regionTop
5%
Most Popular Tourist Destinations: 136th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 189th in the regionMost Stationary: 190th in the regionMost Cultured: 198th in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 206th in the regionNicest Citizens: 233rd in the regionLargest Publishing Industry: 235th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 309th in the regionHighest Workforce Participation Rate: 309th in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 360th in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 361st in the regionRudest Citizens: 369th in the regionLargest Populations: 438th in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 453rd in the regionMost Extensive Civil Rights: 516th in the regionHighest Drug Use: 583rd in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 586th in the regionTop
10%
Least Corrupt Governments: 657th in the regionNudest: 780th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 858th in the regionMost Income Equality: 1,216th in the regionSafest: 1,221st in the region

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