by Max Barry

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The New Rothish Empire of Ionalands

“For the Great Green North/För sei Grooten Grœnen Norğa!”

Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights:
Few
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Rare

Regional Influence: Ambassador

Location: Novus Lucidum

OverviewFactbookDispatchesPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Ionalands

Population2.875 billion

CapitalMarksburg
LeaderHer Majesty Queen Astrid I
FaithAtheism

CurrencyRjoğmark
AnimalMute Swan

The New Rothish Empire of Ionalands is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Her Majesty Queen Astrid I with an iron fist, and notable for its frequent executions, irreverence towards religion, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 2.875 billion Roths are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Law & Order, Education, and Industry are also considered important, while Environment and International Aid are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Marksburg. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 90.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Rothish economy, worth a remarkable 1,207 trillion Rjoğmarks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 419,996 Rjoğmarks, with the richest citizens earning 6.9 times as much as the poorest.

Aggressive promotion of global warming puts polar bears on thin ice, in life full of care there is no time to stop and stare, school lockers are filled with fancy underwear, and schoolchildren learn an R-rated version of "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ionalands's national animal is the Mute Swan, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Atheism.

Ionalands is ranked 71,478th in the world and 18th in Novus Lucidum for Largest Basket Weaving Sector, scoring 2,774.27 on the Hickory Productivity Index.

Top
1%
Largest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 112thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 175thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 419thMost Secular: 574thHighest Average Incomes: 605thMost Armed: 708thMost Corrupt Governments: 753rdLargest Agricultural Sector: 800thMost Avoided: 857thLargest Mining Sector: 1,008thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1,219thLargest Information Technology Sector: 1,402ndLargest Black Market: 1,471stMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 1,484thLargest Insurance Industry: 1,524thMost Scientifically Advanced: 1,706thRudest Citizens: 1,774thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1,780thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 1,862ndTop
5%
Fattest Citizens: 2,091stMost Efficient Economies: 2,218thMost Subsidized Industry: 2,226thLargest Governments: 3,223rdHighest Poor Incomes: 4,019thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 5,345thSmartest Citizens: 5,851stLowest Crime Rates: 6,361stLargest Soda Pop Sector: 6,672ndMost Advanced Public Education: 6,716thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 6,817thLargest Retail Industry: 6,996thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 7,421stHighest Average Tax Rates: 8,126thMost Influential: 8,493rdTop
10%
Most Developed: 11,547thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 11,632ndHighest Economic Output: 13,800th
Top
5%
Most Avoided: 1st in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 1st in the regionTop
10%
Largest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 2nd in the regionRudest Citizens: 2nd in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 2nd in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 2nd in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2nd in the regionMost Secular: 2nd in the regionMost Armed: 2nd in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 3rd in the regionFattest Citizens: 3rd in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 3rd in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in Ionalands, schoolchildren learn an R-rated version of "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes".
  • : Following new legislation in Ionalands, school lockers are filled with fancy underwear.
  • : Following new legislation in Ionalands, in life full of care there is no time to stop and stare.
  • : Following new legislation in Ionalands, aggressive promotion of global warming puts polar bears on thin ice.
  • : Following new legislation in Ionalands, consumption of cat memes has skyrocketed.
  • : Ionalands was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Highest Poor Incomes.
  • : Following new legislation in Ionalands, historical commemorations regularly devolve into militaristic jingoism.
  • : Following new legislation in Ionalands, failed genetic experiments wreak havoc as they roam the countryside.
  • : Following new legislation in Ionalands, government employees have reverted to carrier pigeon due to never-ending virus scans.
  • : Following new legislation in Ionalands, the sound of office water cooler chatter has been replaced by the whirring of computer cooling fans.

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World Assembly

Endorsements Received: 6 » Scalesburg, The Arken, New Nationale Einheit, Rilandse, Cauva, and Condaian.

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