by Max Barry

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The Self-Welcomed Guest of Jehovahs Witness

“We're already inside, now here's a pamphlet.” The Unwelcome Guest

Category: Psychotic Dictatorship
Civil Rights:
Unheard Of
Political Freedoms:
Unheard Of

Regional Influence: Squire

Location: The Bar on the corner of every region


Jehovahs Witness

Population6.134 billion

LeaderThe Unwelcome Guest
FaithJehovah's Witnesses


The Self-Welcomed Guest of Jehovahs Witness is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by The Unwelcome Guest with an iron fist, and renowned for its multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, strictly enforced bedtime, and fear of technology. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 6.134 billion sacrifices are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Spirituality and Environment also on the agenda, while Welfare and Healthcare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Inside. The average income tax rate is 89.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient sacrificed economy, worth a remarkable 1,290 trillion pamphlets a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing and Gambling. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 210,357 pamphlets, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.1 times as much as the poorest.

Burning members of the Order of Violet is the nation's favorite pastime, Sacrifices believe a soft answer turneth away wrath but punitive punishment is much more fun, newspapers print only headlines, and strange looking men with big red noses are found hiding behind bushes and inside dustbins. Crime is pervasive, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Jehovahs Witness's national animal is the collar, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Jehovah's Witnesses.

Jehovahs Witness is ranked 10,517th in the world and 7th in The Bar on the corner of every region for Highest Economic Output, with 1,290 trillion Standard Monetary Units.

Most Ignorant Citizens: 76thMost Devout: 87thMost Primitive: 94thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 111thLargest Gambling Industry: 416thMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 532ndMost Corrupt Governments: 534thLargest Black Market: 666thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 702ndMost Armed: 782ndBest Weather: 1,253rdLargest Manufacturing Sector: 1,341stFattest Citizens: 1,411thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 1,468thTop
Most Beautiful Environments: 1,607thHighest Crime Rates: 1,629thNudest: 2,653rdHighest Poor Incomes: 3,523rdHighest Average Incomes: 4,860thRudest Citizens: 7,169thTop
Largest Governments: 7,714thMost Conservative: 7,885thHighest Average Tax Rates: 8,223rdMost Authoritarian: 8,446thHighest Economic Output: 10,517thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 12,191stMost Efficient Economies: 13,604thMost Subsidized Industry: 14,973rd
Most Beautiful Environments: 1st in the regionMost Devout: 1st in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 1st in the regionMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 1st in the regionMost Ignorant Citizens: 1st in the regionLargest Black Market: 1st in the regionMost Primitive: 1st in the regionMost Conservative: 1st in the regionBest Weather: 1st in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 1st in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 2nd in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionNudest: 2nd in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Authoritarian: 3rd in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 3rd in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 3rd in the regionTop
Highest Average Incomes: 5th in the regionFattest Citizens: 6th in the regionMost Armed: 6th in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 6th in the region

National Happenings

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