by Max Barry

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The Ambulatory Corpse Nation of Johoichim

“Ad praestantius faciebar”

Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights:
Unheard Of
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Unheard Of

Regional Influence: Minnow

Location: the Rejected Realms

OverviewPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Johoichim

Population22.283 billion

CapitalEaeuyaueghe
LeaderAudio-animatronic Abraham Lincoln
FaithChildren of the All Knowing

Currencyding dong
Animalsquirrel

The Ambulatory Corpse Nation of Johoichim is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Audio-animatronic Abraham Lincoln with an iron fist, and notable for its aversion to nipples, ubiquitous missile silos, and compulsory vegetarianism. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 22.283 billion Johoichimites are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Environment, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Eaeuyaueghe. The average income tax rate is 95.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Johoichimian economy, worth a remarkable 4,148 trillion ding dong a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Trout Farming, Gambling, and Beef-Based Agriculture. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 186,169 ding dong, with the richest citizens earning 5.0 times as much as the poorest.

Populations of two-headed squirrels have been found around recently-uncovered archaeological sites, political dissidents are cut off from essential services, captains must wait until all rats are safe before jumping ship, and the elderly are killed softly with a song. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Johoichim's national animal is the squirrel, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Children of the All Knowing.

Johoichim is ranked 329,002nd in the world and 4,707th in the Rejected Realms for Smartest Citizens, with 1.93 quips per hour.

Top
1%
Highest Foreign Aid Spending: 875thMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 1,625thMost Devout: 2,386thMost Advanced Public Transport: 2,531stMost Advanced Defense Forces: 2,928thLargest Black Market: 3,279thTop
5%
Highest Economic Output: 4,948thBest Weather: 5,515thHighest Average Tax Rates: 5,541stMost Beautiful Environments: 6,262ndLargest Governments: 7,311thLargest Gambling Industry: 7,408thLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 7,485thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 8,898thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 9,490thMost Corrupt Governments: 11,863rdLowest Crime Rates: 11,966thMost Advanced Public Education: 12,131stHighest Average Incomes: 14,040thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 14,389thMost Subsidized Industry: 14,912thLargest Populations: 15,311thMost Conservative: 15,380thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 16,309thMost Ignorant Citizens: 16,875thTop
10%
Most Valuable International Artwork: 17,493rdHighest Wealthy Incomes: 18,334thMost Authoritarian: 18,598thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 21,271stLargest Agricultural Sector: 25,253rdMost Patriotic: 28,193rdHighest Poor Incomes: 29,971stLargest Manufacturing Sector: 30,568thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 30,743rd
Top
1%
Highest Foreign Aid Spending: 25th in the regionMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 35th in the regionMost Devout: 39th in the regionTop
5%
Most Advanced Public Transport: 61st in the regionLargest Black Market: 63rd in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 71st in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 105th in the regionLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 106th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 119th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 125th in the regionBest Weather: 146th in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 158th in the regionLargest Governments: 164th in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 207th in the regionLargest Populations: 218th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 219th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 230th in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 235th in the regionTop
10%
Most Conservative: 254th in the regionMost Ignorant Citizens: 257th in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 279th in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 282nd in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 298th in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 317th in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 318th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 327th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 334th in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 368th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 389th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Johoichim was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Valuable International Artwork.
  • : Johoichim was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Ignorant Citizens and Most Valuable International Artwork.
  • : Johoichim was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Popular Tourist Destinations.
  • : Johoichim was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Largest Black Market.
  • : Johoichim was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Ignorant Citizens.
  • : Johoichim was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Ignorant Citizens.
  • : Johoichim was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Largest Populations.
  • : Johoichim was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Dead.
  • : Johoichim was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Zombies and the Top 10% for Most Zombified and Most Survivors.
  • : Johoichim was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Largest Populations.

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