The United Socialist States of Kholdan is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Zghuk Whitescull with an even hand, and notable for its frequent executions, smutty television, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic, humorless population of 27.08 billion Kholdanians enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

The medium-sized, corrupt government prioritizes Law & Order, although Defense, Industry, and Welfare are also considered important, while Administration isn't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kholdan City. The average income tax rate is 84.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Kholdanian economy, worth a remarkable 2,758 trillion Marks a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is mostly comprised of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, although the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 101,856 Marks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Zghuk Whitescull's media campaigns take a hiatus around exam week, the moral worth of national allies is judged by their GDP, park rangers struggle to deal with a rash of stolen pic-a-nic baskets, and military units are often seen arguing over which one is truly favored by the gods. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kholdan's national animal is the Osprey, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Gallifreyan mysticism.

Kholdan is ranked 330,621^st in the world and 4,959^th in the South Pacific for Largest Timber Woodchipping Industry, scoring -33.05 on the Tasmanian Pulp Environmental Export Index.