by Max Barry

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The Suppressed squirrels of Klopswurst

“Screw you guys i'm going home”

Category: Corrupt Dictatorship
Civil Rights:
Excellent
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Few

Regional Influence: Page

Location: International Democratic Union

OverviewFactbookDispatchesPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Klopswurst

Population34.526 billion

CapitalBlutwurst
Leaderfairy king amne
Faithobedience

Currencygolden Klops
AnimalSchnitzeltier

The Suppressed squirrels of Klopswurst is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by fairy king amne with an iron fist, and notable for its unlimited-speed roads, ritual sacrifices, and anti-smoking policies. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 34.526 billion worthless Klopswurstians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The large, corrupt government prioritizes Education, although Healthcare, Environment, and Administration are also considered important, while Spirituality and Defense receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Blutwurst. The average income tax rate is 80.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Klopswurstian economy, worth a remarkable 6,666 trillion golden Klops a year, is highly specialized and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Information Technology, Soda Sales, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 193,081 golden Klops, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The revelation that people were sexist in the past is apparently front page news, Worthless Klopswurstians are fixin' ta comma any way they wanna, more sidewalk is dedicated to animals than people, and government fact-checkers use surprising amounts of high explosive. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Klopswurst's national animal is the Schnitzeltier, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is obedience.

Klopswurst is ranked 8,891st in the world and 24th in International Democratic Union for Smartest Citizens, with 98.74 quips per hour.

Top
1%
Largest Black Market: 322ndMost Rebellious Youth: 341stLargest Soda Pop Sector: 421stHighest Crime Rates: 812thMost Avoided: 1,188thMost Advanced Public Transport: 1,508thHighest Economic Output: 1,552ndLargest Populations: 1,923rdLargest Information Technology Sector: 1,950thTop
5%
Most Armed: 3,021stMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 3,056thMost Advanced Public Education: 3,144thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 3,144thLargest Publishing Industry: 3,248thHighest Poor Incomes: 3,575thLargest Welfare Programs: 4,537thFattest Citizens: 4,754thMost Beautiful Environments: 5,890thMost Scientifically Advanced: 7,360thMost Subsidized Industry: 7,363rdMost Inclusive: 8,161stHighest Average Incomes: 8,270thMost Stationary: 8,686thSmartest Citizens: 8,891stMost Developed: 9,177thMost Secular: 10,277thMost Corrupt Governments: 11,313thHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 11,635thTop
10%
Highest Average Tax Rates: 15,429thLargest Governments: 15,922ndHighest Food Quality: 15,971stMost World Assembly Endorsements: 16,852ndMost Efficient Economies: 19,493rdMost Influential: 19,745thMost Income Equality: 24,602ndMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 26,236th
Top
1%
Most Avoided: 1st in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 1st in the regionLargest Black Market: 1st in the regionMost Rebellious Youth: 1st in the regionTop
5%
Most Armed: 2nd in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 2nd in the regionHighest Economic Output: 3rd in the regionMost Stationary: 4th in the regionLargest Populations: 4th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 5th in the regionFattest Citizens: 5th in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 6th in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 6th in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 7th in the regionTop
10%
Most Extensive Public Healthcare: 8th in the regionMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 9th in the regionMost Secular: 9th in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 10th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 10th in the regionLargest Welfare Programs: 11th in the regionLargest Publishing Industry: 12th in the regionMost Income Equality: 13th in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 14th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in Klopswurst, government fact-checkers use surprising amounts of high explosive.
  • : Klopswurst was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Politically Apathetic Citizens.
  • : Following new legislation in Klopswurst, more sidewalk is dedicated to animals than people.
  • : Following new legislation in Klopswurst, Worthless Klopswurstians are fixin' ta comma any way they wanna.
  • : Following new legislation in Klopswurst, the revelation that people were sexist in the past is apparently front page news.
  • : Following new legislation in Klopswurst, television characters who ask how someone's doing are charged with harassment.
  • : Following new legislation in Klopswurst, oxygen is commonly known as 'breathinium'.
  • : Following new legislation in Klopswurst, the government has officially clarified that "wee on your hands to save time" does not count as proper hygiene.
  • : Following new legislation in Klopswurst, life expectancies inside correctional facilities vastly exceed the national average.
  • : Following new legislation in Klopswurst, it's often raining men (hallelujah) in Blutwurst.

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