by Max Barry

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Spotlight on:

National Flag

The Holy Pātissier of Linguiniland

“Marshmallow?” Princess Turdina

Category: Inoffensive Centrist Democracy
Civil Rights:
Political Freedoms:

Regional Influence: Squire

Location: the South Pacific



Population5.341 billion

LeaderPrincess Turdina

CurrencyDragon Scales
AnimalPink Fairy Armadillo

The Holy Pātissier of Linguiniland is a colossal, genial nation, ruled by Princess Turdina with a fair hand, and remarkable for its national health service, punitive income tax rates, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic population of 5.341 billion Linguinilandians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Industry, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Mewni. The average income tax rate is 83.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Linguinilandian economy, worth 718 trillion Dragon Scaleses a year, is quite specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Trout Farming. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 134,521 Dragon Scaleses, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Criminals are put to death while cuddling their favourite teddy bear, rebuilding efforts for a recently destroyed cathedral aren't expected to be completed for another century, the military refers to helpless combatants offering surrender as "sitting ducks", and you're never too young to learn how to lie with confidence. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Linguiniland's national animal is the Pink Fairy Armadillo, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Aupheliaism.

Linguiniland is ranked 189,562nd in the world and 7,566th in the South Pacific for Largest Basket Weaving Sector, scoring -7.29 on the Hickory Productivity Index.

Most World Assembly Endorsements: 440thMost Influential: 638thTop
Safest: 5,534thMost Inclusive: 6,295thMost Valuable International Artwork: 7,092ndMost Developed: 8,699thMost Scientifically Advanced: 8,864thLargest Publishing Industry: 9,159thLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 9,179thMost Subsidized Industry: 9,193rdHighest Poor Incomes: 10,101stLargest Information Technology Sector: 10,260thMost Advanced Public Education: 10,272ndTop
Smartest Citizens: 10,569thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 10,704thMost Cultured: 10,775thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 10,808thMost Beautiful Environments: 11,366thLargest Governments: 11,374thHighest Average Tax Rates: 11,450thMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 11,539thMost Efficient Economies: 11,642ndLongest Average Lifespans: 11,826thMost Advanced Public Transport: 12,019thHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 12,537thLowest Crime Rates: 13,270thHealthiest Citizens: 14,922ndBest Weather: 15,455thMost Pacifist: 15,739thMost Compassionate Citizens: 15,991stNicest Citizens: 16,815thHighest Average Incomes: 17,404thLargest Retail Industry: 17,569thMost Stationary: 18,932nd
Most Influential: 51st in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 79th in the regionTop
Safest: 184th in the regionMost Inclusive: 224th in the regionLargest Publishing Industry: 235th in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 242nd in the regionMost Developed: 261st in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 262nd in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 283rd in the regionMost Cultured: 305th in the regionLargest Governments: 306th in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 310th in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 310th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 311th in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 312th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 316th in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 318th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 322nd in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 328th in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 335th in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 341st in the regionMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 346th in the regionMost Stationary: 354th in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 356th in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 362nd in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 364th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 390th in the regionTop
Healthiest Citizens: 464th in the regionLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 489th in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 489th in the regionBest Weather: 491st in the regionLargest Populations: 507th in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 595th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 601st in the regionMost Compassionate Citizens: 618th in the regionNicest Citizens: 639th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 639th in the regionMost Pacifist: 674th in the regionLargest Welfare Programs: 735th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:


World Assembly

Endorsements Received: 286 » Erinor, Pencil Sharpeners 2, Curlyhoward, Farengeto, Kringalia, Tsunamy, Sandaoguo, Belschaft, Havenfell, Drugged Monkeys, The Solar System Scope, Kiasu-ism, Darakin, Sanden, Theorin, Luddinlande, Kholdan, Cypheri, Soem, Lambdaland, Seliyan progressive Islands, Bear Connors Paradiso, Ancient Slobovia, Transtemporal Shifts, Aidenfieeld, Jehenna, Three Rivia Levr, GI-Land, FreeFishers, The Two Jerseys, Centristvill, Tsvetania, Oxsania, Hanguk-Nippon, Rebel-topia, Native Inhabitants of Antarctica, Bod Wareenaland, Outer Utonixick Gollinican, The United Expanse, Pamela And Hepatitis, The naked people, Aywhyou, Commonwealth Of Astoria, Wese Zippopiteradgil, Southern Numenor, Utondara, Bentwaters, Ridehale, Drystar, Nowa Europa, and 236 others.Angevin Britannia, Trelatche, Spazzhole, Poopisiya, Yellunstryer, Qaweritoyu, Walloonia, Prefesia, Calistan, Antarctic Empires, Escevola, Gymnostan, St Oaks, Center Lisle, Si-topia, Vincent Field, Volaworand, Sedunn, Moreana, Techganet, 073 039 109 032 080 111 112 112 121, Fighting Kawi Ninja, Nova Montron, Madhonia, Silberne Wache, Japanese Federal Republic, Avalonica, City States Nation, Sthalrim, Saciu, Mantas Meow, RestartAll, The ColdWyvernian Undead, Barabarom, New Briantown, Eastern Nyan, Great Andora, Sagada, Pax Dracon, Aumeltopia, Beepee, Abarri, Aguatania, Isokenzar, Potion Seller, USNE2018, Esfalsa, Cuuldere, Rascium, Whimichy, Rabbitz, Phanama, Herbert Island, The Filippinas, Qvait, Amerion, Land Without Shrimp, Nankyoku Tairiku, Wehraboos, Crystal Creation, North Catimestistrianes, Amutien, The Brand New Salvatagard Republic, Mechanocs, Dasko, Floofoland, Maeiland, Aurcania, Sesteran, Changolandia, The West Valley Mountains, Blaash, Jennaterra, Oreo States, Grand Kingdom of Zilean Empire, Imperial Duck, A leftover country, Fasire, Omiri, Unidum, Zosnor, Mapico, Los Lonley Boys, Substitute name, Empa Aserium, Fredriecan, Yeldarbsland, Noveos, The Tecorogan Federation, Free Rad, Realms of Madness, Qawe, Astraee, The Bereans, Rimandi, Tilipria, Madreia, Jaxon, Corgitopiaa, Cohors Stercore, Nueva Alta California, Bleakfoot, Marstella, Bizzie, Greater Hyrulang, New Marinia, Serendiva, North Delaware, Tiransia, PenguinPies, Isles of Creckero, Soulfulminister, Great Novania, Novaexus, Steampunk Engineers, Bawkie, Terran Draconia, Rly8h, United Crumburrtha Federation, Kandorith, Tepertopia, Morlama Nast, Tarnik, Bumblegaria, Kasharsa, North Kanuckistan, Gliasco, Holy Free, Gricanderis, Ebonhand, Farelonia, Baltenlands, New Ancapland, West Pastafaria, Eskvenn, InnWorm, Anserisa, Breadandbutter, Sau Man Frescher, Turks of The Eastern Calculus, Springhollow, The Plebeian States, Weryalachiressaraxiatopia, Ralphburg, CzechoSlovakishMoravia, Grubville, Charloa, Sumalyo, Yavemaya, Weburya, Westerlonia, Virmena, Zaelith, Kaz Katiestan, ChickenDome, Melicorium, Tridem, Valkia, Merevane, Quh, Kervanosia, Meistonia, Elan Sleazebaganno, Maerist, Jimburna, Sophiana, Eggraria, Ngasha, Hong Kong Kowloon and New Territories, The BBP, Vardanfel, Compli, Marinho Islands, Gnofnordclancedenilland, Dis7Nation, Escanval, The Worst army of, Starsight, RussiaSpetsnaz1, Markla, Shefino, Alaninia, Gonrati, Nouvel-Indre, Hyaflucturia, Auphelia, Royaltica, Roleca, Laamiva, Eden Contour, NganXuan, The Gungan Republic, South Western Korea, Matak Tribes, Nova Kobol, LadyRebels, The Radanivans, Travislavania, Ucilia, Great Britain And Empire, Courletnia, Great Elsika, West Fallows, Well F, Rhetiaa, Purple Hyacinth, Aschenburg, Trepsit, The Drakan Republic, United States of Vietnam, Valdutz, Efferalt, New Heir, International House of Pancakes, Xarbraden, Briteannia, Ovkianos, Mincestia, Maximvs Tarvgvs Rex, Apelan, Myness, Kedjens, Kyroski, Trinennie, Temaseka, Midand, Concrete Slab, NDG, Irrepertus, Vega Naothia, White Bananistan, Catillos, Distrotika, B H A R A T, Alfama, and Sword of Summer.

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