The 🌺Lotionese Empire🌺 of Lotion Empire is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Lubey II Privykia with an iron fist, and notable for its pith helmet sales, daily referendums, and rampant corporate plagiarism. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 9.641 billion Lotionese are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The enormous, corrupt government is effectively ruled by the Department of Defense, although Industry and Law & Order are also considered important, while International Aid and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Petrograd. The average income tax rate is 99.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Lotionese economy, worth a remarkable 3,463 trillion Ludons a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 359,293 Ludons, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.1 times as much as the poorest.

The "war on terror" doesn't seem to be making Lotionese any less frightened, strange lights seen in the sky are officially regarded as weather balloons or hoaxes and nothing else, Lotionese police have to pay out of their own pockets for bulletproof vests, and politicians look weirdly alike. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Lotion Empire's national animal is the Black Eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Orthodox.

Lotion Empire is ranked 14^th in the world and 1^st in The North Pacific for Most Advanced Defense Forces, scoring 137,802.52 on the Total War Preparedness Rating.