by Max Barry

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The Kingdom of Merconitonitopia

“Vanity of Vanities, Saith the Preacher; All is Vanity”

Category: Psychotic Dictatorship
Civil Rights:
Unheard Of
Political Freedoms:
Unheard Of

Regional Influence: Squire

Location: The North Pacific



Population19.666 billion

LeaderKing Montebad II
Faiththe Path of Oniton


The Kingdom of Merconitonitopia is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by King Montebad II with an iron fist, and notable for its avowedly heterosexual populace, hatred of cheese, and compulsory gun ownership. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 19.666 billion Onitonites are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Spirituality, Environment, and Healthcare are also considered important. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bahmedag. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Onitonic economy, worth an astonishing 10,380 trillion virtues a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. State-owned companies are the norm. Average income is a breathtaking 527,853 virtues, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The nation's orphanages and maternity wards have been nicknamed 'the Killbot Factories', the nation's infamous boot camp is more brutal than most battlefields, shoppers have literally had their hands full since plastic bags were banned, and bands of paramedics walk the streets looking for suspicious medical activity. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Merconitonitopia's national animal is the dove, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is the Path of Oniton.

Merconitonitopia is ranked 273,640th in the world and 12,864th in The North Pacific for Most Avoided, scoring 0.27 on the Kardashian Reflex Score.

Most Primitive: 9thMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 12thHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 13thMost Devout: 14thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 20thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 22ndMost Ignorant Citizens: 25thBest Weather: 35thHighest Poor Incomes: 59thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 81stMost Beautiful Environments: 89thMost Patriotic: 93rdLargest Black Market: 94thMost Corrupt Governments: 95thHighest Average Tax Rates: 125thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 164thLargest Governments: 164thMost Subsidized Industry: 169thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 193rdLargest Manufacturing Sector: 270thMost Influential: 274thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 276thHighest Average Incomes: 298thLongest Average Lifespans: 342ndMost Valuable International Artwork: 385thMost Advanced Public Transport: 424thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 444thLowest Crime Rates: 466thHighest Economic Output: 590thMost Armed: 1,023rdHealthiest Citizens: 1,068thMost Cultured: 1,115thMost Efficient Economies: 1,212thLargest Welfare Programs: 1,667thTop
Highest Wealthy Incomes: 6,050thMost Advanced Public Education: 6,380thMost Authoritarian: 6,809thLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 8,079thMost Income Equality: 10,093rdLargest Populations: 11,819thTop
Most Conservative: 14,091stLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 18,137thMost Stationary: 26,780th
Largest Black Market: 1st in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Devout: 1st in the regionMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 1st in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 1st in the regionMost Primitive: 1st in the regionMost Ignorant Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 2nd in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 2nd in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 5th in the regionMost Patriotic: 5th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 6th in the regionBest Weather: 6th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 7th in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 7th in the regionLargest Governments: 9th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 10th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 10th in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 11th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 11th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 14th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 15th in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 18th in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 23rd in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 25th in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 28th in the regionMost Armed: 36th in the regionMost Cultured: 43rd in the regionMost Influential: 47th in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 51st in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 61st in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 63rd in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 65th in the regionLargest Welfare Programs: 77th in the regionTop
Largest Populations: 201st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 221st in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 296th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 366th in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 439th in the regionMost Income Equality: 553rd in the regionMost Extreme: 620th in the regionMost Stationary: 641st in the regionTop
Largest Furniture Restoration Industry: 762nd in the regionMost Conservative: 767th in the region

National Happenings

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World Assembly

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