The Oriental Empire of Merlovich is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Empress Zetian with an even hand, and remarkable for its avowedly heterosexual populace, frequent executions, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless population of 1.119 billion Merlovichans are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized, corrupt government prioritizes Defense, with Education, Industry, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Spirituality isn't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tousunai. The average income tax rate is 71.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Merlovichian economy, worth 160 trillion Tousunai Dollars a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Book Publishing. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an impressive 143,715 Tousunai Dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.8 times as much as the poorest.

Breast milk is being redistributed from each according to their ability to each according to their need, reporters sent to cover suspected UFO visits come back with stories about quilting bees, the legislature keeps promising "more study" of corruption allegations against the parliamentary whip system, and the dead fish in the national rivers aren't decomposing because even bacteria can't survive the levels of toxicity. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Merlovich's national animal is the Red Panda, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Chi-Mun.

Merlovich is ranked 18,427^th in the world and 513^th in The East Pacific for Smartest Citizens, with 64.44 Quips Per Hour.