by Max Barry

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The Peripatetic Praise-giver of Middlemidden

“The middle bit is the best.”

Category: Father Knows Best State
Civil Rights:
Political Freedoms:

Regional Influence: Zero

Location: The Allied Nations



Population5.513 billion


Currencyperfectly balanced golden frog
Animalvacillating varmint

The Peripatetic Praise-giver of Middlemidden is a colossal, safe nation, ruled by Malcolm with an iron fist, and notable for its fear of technology, keen interest in outer space, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 5.513 billion Middlemid Guardians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Perineum. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 53.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Middenish economy, worth 626 trillion perfectly balanced golden frogs a year, is fairly diversified and dominated by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Woodchip Exports, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 113,601 perfectly balanced golden frogs, with the richest citizens earning 5.4 times as much as the poorest.

The new "Bloodbath" orange tree autonomously seeks and destroys independent orchards, citizens need a magnifying glass and color chart to distinguish between nearly identical brand labels, children fear compulsory visits to their spiritual advisors more than the dentist, and meetings are often scheduled for "about four-ish" following complete conversion to sundials. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Middlemidden's national animal is the vacillating varmint, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Middlemidden is ranked 59,611th in the world and 5th in The Allied Nations for Rudest Citizens, with 63.62 Insults Per Minute.

Largest Retail Industry: 2,511thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 3,431stLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 3,929thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 4,150thMost Avoided: 5,026thNudest: 6,469thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 10,772ndTop
Largest Mining Sector: 11,229thMost Subsidized Industry: 16,110thMost Efficient Economies: 16,886th
Highest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Avoided: 1st in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 1st in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 1st in the regionHighest Economic Output: 1st in the regionMost Conservative: 1st in the regionMost Devout: 1st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 1st in the regionSafest: 1st in the regionLargest Populations: 1st in the regionMost Cultured: 1st in the region

National Happenings

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