The United States of Mitzerland is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Zaxxczy with an iron fist, and notable for its pith helmet sales, otherworldly petting zoo, and smutty television. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 4.944 billion Mitzerlandians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Administration, Industry, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while International Aid is ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Atlanta. The average income tax rate is 85.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Mitzerlandian economy, worth a remarkable 1,057 trillion Aurumexes a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Retail. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 213,959 Aurumexes, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.2 times as much as the poorest.

A formerly quiet little town is now booming as both a cult centre and a tourist attraction, sworn provincial enemies must be held back in Zaxxczy's cabinet meetings, the government's new "quiet competence" initiative has supporters and detractors alike reeling in confusion, and the Mitzerland Enquirer offers weekly cash prizes for 'most blasphemous song, story, or cartoon'. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Mitzerland's national animal is the crow, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is WARISM.

Mitzerland is ranked 3,642^nd in the world and 40^th in Europe for Most Advanced Defense Forces, scoring 16,615.57 on the Total War Preparedness Rating.