The MePhone4 my beloved of New Xartoia is a colossal, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Ekana Kapa Spayo with an iron fist, and renowned for its ubiquitous missile silos, frequent executions, and suspicion of poets. The compassionate, cynical, devout population of 5.473 billion Xartoians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Law & Order, Industry, and Education are also considered important. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tianmen. The average income tax rate is 66.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient a Xartoian economy, worth 691 trillion Monis a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 126,377 Monis, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Soldiers are issued comics about superheroes punching unflattering caricatures of their enemies, international trade can be a pain to deal with, Scoutmasters debate whether luxury log cabins defeat the purpose of camping, and the nation's diplomats shake hands with those whose hands are drenched in the blood of innocents. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. New Xartoia's national animal is the Xarto Eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Yelçaism.

New Xartoia is ranked 19,388^th in the world and 321^st in the South Pacific for Most Patriotic, with 52.77 flags saluted per person per day.