The United Mountaineers of Noxkhciko is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Shamil Berhodunov with an iron fist, and remarkable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, otherworldly petting zoo, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 3.317 billion Noxkhchikans are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Administration, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Shache. The average income tax rate is 78.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Noxkhcikan economy, worth 359 trillion Shirims a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 108,433 Shirims, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.7 times as much as the poorest.

Prime real estate is devoted to wind farms and solar energy generators, economists confusingly list "fusarium rot and leaf blight" as major risk factors for monetary deflation, nuclear submarines have been deployed to protect the nation's banana supply, and the Noxkhcikan Arts Council pays teenagers to sit through opera performances. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Noxkhciko's national animal is the Horse, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Islam.

Noxkhciko is ranked 231,755^th in the world and 10^th in Archai for Most Primitive, scoring -93.99 on the Scary Big Number Scale.