The Federation of Old Atlantica is a gargantuan, genial nation, ruled by Alpacapatrol with an even hand, and notable for its smutty television, absence of drug laws, and restrictive gun laws. The compassionate, cheerful population of 21.1 billion Atlanticans are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Alpacaville. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Atlantican economy, worth an astonishing 14,236 trillion Rainsticks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched black market in Information Technology, Tourism, and Book Publishing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 674,697 Rainsticks, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Droves of former desperados are applying to join the border police, access to the woods is only granted to those who bring a small shrubbery, high school band practice is often crashed by technicolor-clad ravers, and nobody expected the fruit inquisition. Crime is totally unknown. Old Atlantica's national animal is the Alpaca, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Lokorism.

Old Atlantica is ranked 315,920^th in the world and 741^st in 10000 Islands for Safest, scoring 3.39 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.