The Republic of Old Emporia is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Elizabeth with an even hand, and notable for its smutty television, daily referendums, and hatred of cheese. The compassionate, cheerful population of 14.719 billion Old Emporians enjoy extensive civil rights and enjoy a level of social equality free from the usual accompanying government corruption.

The large government prioritizes Education, with Healthcare, Environment, and Industry also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Defense receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of New Rapture. The average income tax rate is 72.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Old Emporian economy, worth a remarkable 1,664 trillion dollars a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 113,056 dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Young children are regularly seen wagering pocket money at blackjack tables, sea side cafes are required by law to close during summer, OE-SPAN viewership drops as MPs act their age, and bowling teams spend more time looking at their phones than the pins. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Old Emporia's national animal is the Crow, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Old Emporia is ranked 276,181^st in the world and 5,128^th in The North Pacific for Largest Basket Weaving Sector, scoring -6.26 on the Hickory Productivity Index.