The Protectorate of Paffnicard 9 is a colossal, genial nation, ruled by Aleksandar Vekili with an iron fist, and notable for its unlimited-speed roads, punitive income tax rates, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, cynical, humorless, devout population of 8.056 billion Paffniacs are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Skoptopolis. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 65.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Paffniac economy, worth a remarkable 1,069 trillion banks a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Trout Farming, and Tourism. Black market activity is frequent. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 132,706 banks, with the richest citizens earning 6.3 times as much as the poorest.

The government insists that a ghost voted ten million times in the last election, students are explicitly allowed to write answers on their forearms before exams, code enforcement officers circle wealthy Paffniacs like vultures, and nocturnal light pollution is mostly blue. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Paffnicard 9's national animal is the card, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is card farming.

Paffnicard 9 is ranked 21,849^th in the world and 4^th in 10KI Card Farm for Lowest Crime Rates, with 88.24 law-abiding acts per hour.